Am I Too Late?

Halloween was a week ago. Scratch that – almost two weeks ago. So is it too late to post my kiddo’s Halloween pics? Probably, but I will anyway. He was a scarecrow. Obviously. He had to be something from Wizard of Oz!

Halloween was fun this year. Last year it sucked because that’s the day we discovered how allergic H. is to peanuts. The day care fed him a PB&J and he blew up like a balloon. We had to take him to the hospital and everything. $2100 later we knew not to feed him any nuts. That was a fun lesson to learn on Halloween night – the night everybody passes out M&M’s and Snickers that we can no longer eat!

So anyway, this year we went to our church’s Trunk or Treat, and then went Trick-Or-Treating with our friends to another area. H. loved it once he got the hang of saying “trick or treat” – (sounded something like “tickteat”). And afterwards we just separated out the candy with nuts (half the loot). I guess one good thing about a nut allergy is that he’ll only be eating half his candy every year.

Anyhoo, that’s all I’ve got right now. We’ve been working so many hours (wahoo!) I can’t seem to figure out a time to write for myself….

Funeral Potatoes Stink

I got asked to make Funeral Potatoes for the luncheon after a funeral today of one of our church members. And I just realized that I have never made them before! Being a Mormon staple, you’d think I would have some experience with them, but thankfully this is my first (and only) time.

Let me tell you that Funeral Potatoes stink up your whole home. I’m not sure with high-saturated-fatty ingredient it is that is the real culprit, or if it’s just the combination of all those lipids, but it smells terrible in here. I’m having a hard time working.

So I’ll write.

Speaking of food, my family is compiling a really fun recipe book. I wanted to do this one one from BHG Life in Photos – A) because I do the copy writing for the products on their website and B) because it’s the cutest recipe book I’ve ever seen. And C) because it’s cheaper than the other ones around too. But it only holds 10 recipes and we have a ginormous family. So we opted for one on Shutterfly instead.

I’m really excited for this recipe book. We’re all getting one for Christmas. Our theme is “Family Favorites” – so all 6 of my siblings plus all their kids each get a page to put their favorite dishes. I have some awesome cooks in my family so I’m really excited.

This kind of project really makes me happy. My family is pretty scattered all over the country so it will be a nice way to have a reminder of them in my kitchen. I’m just happy no one chose funeral potatoes as their favorite dish.

Miscarriages and Other Things That Don’t Make Sense

I found out I had miscarried the same week I found out they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to Obama. Nothing on earth made sense last week. Miscarriages never have made sense to me. The only thing they tell you is that it’s nature’s way of eliminating something that’s not right. That something was wrong and the body knew it. Although this Darwinian explanation may make logical sense, it doesn’t make any emotional or spiritual sense to me. I was pregnant. I had a growing baby inside of me. Everything was fine and suddenly it wasn’t.

The first time I miscarried was within the first 3 months of our marriage. It was a honeymoon baby and so unexpected I actually took 4 pregnancy tests (all positive) before I accepted the answer. 9 weeks later I was staring at a silent monitor that registered no heart beat, then laying on a gurney in the O.R. praying the anesthesia would hurry and take over. Then eating graham crackers in the recovery room with my concerned husband.  3 1/2 years later history repeated itself. My life right now feels like one long, bleak episode of deja vu.

The only thing know that makes this all sort of bearable this time is that I know if you let God heal your hurt and your anger, you can come out alright. And you can be a comfort and help to other women who go through it too. I know that the women in my life who have gone through this before me have certainly been a strength to me. Plus I guess all heartbreaks, disappointments, traumas, and painful experiences can be for your good if you let them, instead of letting them harden you. Which is hard not to do. . .

Most people who haven’t gone through something like this don’t know what to say. They try (bless their hearts) to think of things to say. But really everything just comes out so cliche and insincere at the time. The best thing you can do is just cry with them or tell them you’re so sorry. Because there are no other words on earth that can help.

For example, things like:

You’ll have more children. There will be other babies.

Even though this is  statistically realistic, it doesn’t really make you feel better. You’re not thinking of other babies yet. You’re grieving for this one.  Because I wanted this one. This baby. It’s not like my pregnancy with H. replaced my first one. Each pregnancy is very individual. And you deserve the right to mourn for it.

Well at least you weren’t further along.

You can’t imagine (unless you’ve been through it) how emotionally attached you become during pregnancy – even in the first weeks. It changes your life – you’re sick, you’re tired, you’re excited, you start making plans. You’ve told people. And then when you lose it, it’s like the future goes dark for a while. It isn’t how far along you are that is the issue. It’s the fact that the future has been taken away from you. It’s like when you’re dating someone you love and you make all these plans with them – they’re part of your life, part of your soul. And then something shifts and suddenly you’re broken up and you have to remap your entire life. Have to figure out who you are without them. It’s that altering.

I decided that life right now is a mess of things that don’t make all that much sense. And I think I have learned to really appreciate the people in my life who are true soul mates. True friends. Experiences like this make you appreciate having people to turn to who will mourn with you and comfort you in times of need. What would life be without these angels?

HS Reunions and Married Life

Last weekend was my husband’s 10 year reunion. Not only did we go, but my husband was (unluckily for me) Class President, so we were in charge of it. But it was actually fun. My husband planned the entire thing by himself, we had it at the Crimson Room at the University of Utah, overlooking Salt Lake City at sunset. It was a beautiful room, the food was good, and the people were really nice. I got to be the cashier at the front desk. Since I didn’t go to school with my husband, and therefore didn’t really know anybody, I “manned” the money table.

Being the cashier was perfectly entertaining. I got a front-row seat to meet all the people my husband went to school with – and I got to people-watch to my heart’s desire.

The ones I paid most attention to were the girls who came alone to the reunion. That hit close to home. I was that girl/woman for a long time. I was never the type to always have a boyfriend – I didn’t like men enough to keep them around just for company, so I was always the girl who went to company parties, events, movies, etc. alone. And I went – just like these girls – with my head held high, daring anyone to question my independence. Looking at this girls at the HS reunion made me respect them. And it made me so grateful that I’m married.

I keep wondering why so many people are getting divorced. I’m not talking about the people who really need to get out. I’m talking about the people who want “out” because they’re bored. I’m so over it. They think their life will be happier if they are single again or with someone else. Why would you choose to leave this life? Being married comes with its challenges, but c’mon! Don’t get me wrong – I was happy single. But being married is so much more fulfilling, so much less lonely, so much more fun, so much more comfortable. At least for me.

I think the reality of life is that most of the time happiness is a choice. The people I know who weren’t happy single aren’t happy married either. And if you’re unhappy in your marriage, you’ll probably be unhappy divorced. Because the problem is probably YOU! So any relationship you carry yourself to is going to have a dysfunctional element to it. I think people need to stop living the illusion that if you can just have something different you’ll be happy. Maybe true happiness comes from choosing to make the best out of what you’ve got. What do you think?

The Wizard of Oz Analysis

Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I’d like to contest that I have seen the Wizard of Oz more in the last 3 weeks than anybody on earth. Anybody except my son. My almost-2 year old is obsessed with the Wizard of Oz. Having gone nearly 2 years without watching TV, this movie surge is a bit surprising. But not inexplicable. I’m afraid it’s my fault. Well, both mine and my hubby’s fault. We decided to decorate our baby room with old-school Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz decor.

Here’s just a few of our books about the W.O.O. that we displayed at his birthday party.

And of course the Wizard of Oz cake…which he devoured with ferocity.

I guess considering this kind of start, it should come as no surprise that he’s a big fan of the show. I didn’t think of it as brain-washing or subconsciously influential at the time, I just thought it was cute to try out a theme for our first born.

But now I see that our son as no choice but to absolutely adore Wizard of Oz to the point where he’ll watch nothing else. Nemo? No. Cars? Not for more than 5 minutes. Wizard of Oz? He’ll watch every part of it with active interest, even the black and white (sepia) parts, the scary flying monkey parts, everything.

The first 10 times I watched the show, I couldn’t believe how impressive the costumes are – even in today’s standards. And the acting! Unparalleled. Judy Garland was only 15 or 16 at the time and she’s so good! And the witch is awesome too. H loves the witch – every time she comes on he shouts “Kitch!” – (we have enunciation issues).

But the last 10 times I’ve watched it my opinion is reflecting my irritation of having to watch it again and the behest of my son. Like I think it’s so rude how Uncle Henry and Auntie Em don’t stay looking for Dorothy very long during the cyclone. If my kid (or niece) was out there – I wouldn’t just bail on them!

And what kind of good witch would let a child wander around Oz for days and days so she could “learn a lesson” rather than just letting her go home right away? (Glinda tells Dorothy she’s always had the power to go home – she just wouldn’t have believed her. She had to learn for herself). Right, Dorothy who just landed on a wicked witch, suddenly saw color for the first time, hung out with munchkins and saw Glinda floating in a bubble “wouldn’t have believed.” Riiight.

I could go on. It’s just obvious that I need to stop watching this show! Any ideas for other movies kids can get hooked on that I can use to switch him?

Connecting with your Inner Child

One of my favorite things this summer has been the Salt Lake City Connect Pass. Basically you pay $20 and get two full days of all the kid-friendly things SLC has to offer. My sister is here from New York so we all took our families around Salt Lake.

We started at This is the Place Heritage Park which has awesome replicas of pioneer buildings like a church, school, barber shop, and bank and had people dressed up like they were in the late 1800’s. You’d stop at each place and they’d tell you about what it was like back then. I loved it! H. really liked the petting zoo and riding the ponies.

This is the Place Petting Zoo

This is the Place pony rides

Then we went to the Hogle Zoo and had lunch. I love that the food at the zoo is cheap. That’s so rare. They have great burgers and super yummy salty pretzels with cheese that I love. I used to have a season pass but didn’t renew it since summer was nearly over. Next year. Anyway, H. fell asleep right when we saw the three brand new baby tigers. They were so cute!

After we went home to take naps (and I’ll admit, by this time I was ready for one too), we drove down south to the Thanksgiving Point dinasaur museum.This Museum of Ancient Life has the largest display of mounted dinosaurs in the world. H. loved losing us in the crowd and making us chase him through every single room. Seriously, he’s going to be a world-class sprinter. We have no pictures of him there because he was too fast.

The next day we went to the Discovery Gateway in Downtown, SLC. This place is incredible. There are these awesome balls that you can send up these vacuums and watch them go through all these tubes. Then they have a huge water works area, a kitchen and grocery store, and a little tike area that H. really dug.

Discovery Gateway

Discovery Gateway water works

Toddler play area of Discovery Gateway

Then we ate at the Lion House (best rolls ever). Lunch was included in the Connect Pass. If we added up all the money we would have spent, it would be in the $70 range but with the Connect Pass we only spent $20.

After lunch we caught Trax and rode to the Clark Planetarium. They have cool movies there – 3D and such – and some other cool sciency things that are better for older kids than my toddler. Here’s H. on Mars and the Moon.

On Mars

First baby on the moon

As you can see, H. was pretty much spent at this point. We tried to take him to a movie on Saturn but he wasn’t having it. It was so fun to explore SLC and play with family all day long.

The Problem with Pain

I just read a book that said that true bonding among friends happens not over a laugh and a good time, but through grief. “We all have our sorrows, and although the exact delineaments, weight and dimensions of grief are different for everyone, the color of grief is common to us all.” – Diane Setterfield

Pain is not only universal, it’s enlightening, healing, poignant, clarifying, detoxifying, and cleansing. But it’s painful. And the problem with pain is that it’s something you want to avoid. At all costs.  I’m no exception – I totally opted for the epidural when I gave birth.

But there’s a clarity you experience when you’re in pain that you can’t find any other time. I think that’s why pain is such a big part of life. We’re not here to breeze through this world unafflicted. We’re here to grow, change, develop, and mature.

I worry that my generation (and younger) is so used to things not being that hard, so that they don’t know how to handle pain when it comes. We do everything possible to avoid it and minimize it. Pills, sex, rebounds, alcohol, escape, delusion….

I fear they’ll stay with a boyfriend they know isn’t right for them because it’s painful to breakup. And I fear that they’ll walk away from a spouse when times get tough because it’s easier than fighting to make it work.

I  got hired (randomly) to sing at a funeral last week for an aged man. One of the speakers told this story that is still with me. She said she and her sisters were at this man’s home and his wife was going off about him and complaining to these ladies about him. They managed to peak over at him to see how he was handling all of this. She said he sat there with a gleam in his eye and a smile like “isn’t my wife so witty and clever?”

It made me realize something about our generation. We don’t stick. We don’t endure. We don’t make lemonade out of lemons – we throw them away and get a brand new orange instead.

I’m not suggesting we seek out pain. Rather, I wonder if there’s a way we can just learn how to deal with it better when it comes – rather than cave, hide, or run…?

Best Chewy Granola Bars Ever

I have developed a recipe for the best chewy granola bars ever, after trying out several other recipes. I wanted something to be inexpensive, healthy(ish), tasty, and approved by my toddler (and husband).

Here’s the recipe:

2 1/2 C Oats

3/4 C Rice Krispies

1/2 C Honey

1/2 C Butter softened

1/2 tsp Salt

1/2 tsp Vanilla

1/2 Cup Cinnamon Chips

1/2 – 3/4 Cup Raisins

Mix all ingredients together (I like to use my hands to get the butter into everything), and spread into a 9×13 pan. Press down tightly.  Bake in at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Cool, then slice into individual pieces. Forgive my terrible picture of it!

Madmen Season 3

If you haven’t watched seasons one and two of Madmen, I’m not sure we can be friends. Ok, that’s a little extreme, but seriously it’s the best-written show on TV.

Madmen is about a fictitious ad firm on Madison Ave in NYC in the 1960’s. I love it because I’m in advertising. I love it because it’s scandalous and poignant. I love it for its perfectly-acted pauses, meaningful looks, and writing. The writers don’t waste one single word. (7 of the 11 writers are women, I’ll have you know). Everything is important. Vanity Times just did an article on it if you want more info on the idea behind it.

Madmen Cast

Anyway, so the first two seasons were amazing. And the 3rd season aired tonight. *Spoilers ahead* I really loved it’s storytelling in this first episode – it’s so poetic how it started with Don remembering his birth, while making milk for his pregnant wife. Then at the end he slips into this same fog of remembrance while telling his oldest daughter about her birth.

Don has so many ghosts – so much is always weighing on him. I thought from the way the last season ended that he’d be a little further on the path to peace than he really is. The fact that he’s so troubled makes the show so addicting. You want to fix him.

Peggy is my favorite character. I love her honesty, her candor. She’s someone I would want to be friends with.

Pete is someone I’d want to slug in the face several times a week, and then pat him on the back and comfort him the other days. He’s so pathetic in an endearing way.

Joan is stunning. I hang on every word she says and am always impressed at her poise and grace. She’s powerful but calming all at the same time. I wish I could be more like that.

Anyway, I’m an addict and I’m so excited about the new season. Are there any shows you’re excited for this Fall?

My Anti-Plastic Movement

The other day I was in the grocery store in Lehi (which I will now term Barbieville) and saw this woman that disturbed me for days. She was pretty, blonde, and wore the tightest jean shorts you’ll ever see with fake bling on the butt. This woman was at least in her mid 40’s, and she was wearing jean shorts with bling on the butt. My eyes traveled up to the side of her face but I only got so far as her chest. She was wearing what can only be described as a Hannah Montana shirt (but I’m sure it was something far worse) that probably fit her 13 year old. Except this mom did not have a 13 year old chest. Her shirt was stretched to the max over her huge plastic-enhanced rack.

It got me to thinking – why are we all in such a race to look like teeny boppers? Why can’t we dress our age? Then again, I did wear short pig tails in my hair this week when I went camping . .  . but really, there is nothing else to do with hair this short. But anyway, why can’t we let ourselves age? And why are we all so disatisfied with ourselves?

I think plastic surgery is nasty. Disgusting, gross, nasty. I hope you’re not offended by my frankness, but c’est vrais. Plastic, lipo, botox, lifts, and fillers really freak me out. Like I have nightmares after watching Mary Murphy on So You Think You Can Dance. I think skin should move when you smile. Foreheads should crease when you’re surprised. And not everybody should look like a Barbie doll. I don’t understand why small boobs are not ok. I have had both – being pregnant and then after breast-feeding I have experienced the whole gamut of bra sizes. Why is everyon in such a rush to change the way they are?  Sure, we can all go out and blame the media. The media made me do it. But is it really their fault? Or do they just promote what we’re already obsessed with ourselves.

Several years ago I worked at the cutest, chicest restaurant ever in Bronxville, NY call Underhills Crossing. Bronxville is a really rich, beautiful village and I loved almost everything about it. But I got really good and noticing and identifying plastic surgery there – nearly every guest had had something done. Lips, cheeks, eyes, nose. Sometimes it was subtle, sometimes glaring. But it bothers me so much I can hardly do it justic. Why are people messing with themselves!?

Having said that, I am sure there are so many people who can give for instances where plastic surgery saved their self-esteem or was really necessary. And I’m grateful for plastic surgeons who sewed my husband’s face back on after his car crash 6 years ago. But for cosmetic purposes – the act of changing your face or your body really bothers me.

So I’m being vocal about it. Hopefully this won’t come back to bite me like when I ripped on Wal-Mart and then found myself shopping there a couple years later. I think we should take pride in our bodies the way God made them. I think we can make improvements through eating healthy and exercising (something I really need to start up again), instead of through a knife and a syringe. And I think we need to stop looking at our bodies with such a critical eye. Happiness comes from within – not from an injection.