Alice’s World and What She Saw There

The Vaccine Debate

December 11, 2009 · 5 Comments

I am always surprised by the passion (and sometimes mania) of people who hate Western medicine. I find their opinions and beliefs interesting and worth listening to, but I rarely find myself agreeing. And it’s not because I think it’s a perfect science. But I have great respect for doctors and nurses that I’ve worked with – or who have worked on me. I have a respect for their knowledge and schooling – and I find it so bizarre that people who have never studied ANY medicine (be it Western, Eastern, homeophathy, Chiropractic) are somehow pinnacles of knowledge on the subject.

Take for instance Jenny McCarthy. Playboy model turned actor turned mother turned activist. Why is anyone listening to her? What kind of credible history or knowledge does she bring to the table besides a rhetoric of anti-vaccine hatred and emotional hysteria? It seems to me she is like any mother who just wants answers for why her child is autistic. But to blame vaccinations for it and come up with proof from thin air is pretty shocking to me. The fact that people are blindly listening to her makes her downright dangerous.

WIRED is one of my husband’s favorite magazines. They recently featured an article on the rage against vaccinations and talked a lot about Paul Offit, a pediatrician who co-invented the rotavirus. The article points out:

This isn’t a religious dispute, like the debate over creationism and intelligent design. It’s a challenge to traditional science that crosses party, class, and religious lines. It is partly a reaction to Big Pharma’s blunders and PR missteps, from Vioxx to illegal marketing ploys, which have encouraged a distrust of experts. It is also, ironically, a product of the era of instant communication and easy access to information. The doubters and deniers are empowered by the Internet (online, nobody knows you’re not a doctor) and helped by the mainstream media, which has an interest in pumping up bad science to create a “debate” where there should be none.

I still don’t think I fully understand why so many people are backing away from tried and true measures like vaccinations. Do we just have it too good (not to have polio, mumps, measles, etc) that we start philosophizing too much? Do we really want to live like a third world country? Or should we just be grateful for the scientific approach to medicine that we have in this country? In saying that, I totally get that there is a lot of greed that goes into Western medicine – but there’s a lot of good too.

Before smallpox was eradicated with a vaccine, it killed an estimated 500 million people. And just 60 years ago, polio paralyzed 16,000 Americans every year, while rubella caused birth defects and mental retardation in as many as 20,000 newborns. Measles infected 4 million children, killing 3,000 annually, and a bacterium called Haemophilus influenzae type b caused Hib meningitis in more than 15,000 children, leaving many with permanent brain damage. Infant mortality and abbreviated life spans — now regarded as a third world problem — were a first world reality.

McCarthy and other “anti-toxins” advocates who work with autism are convinced that vaccinations cause autism because autism gets diagnosed around 18-24 months – which is when kids get vaccinated. But seriously? That’s when you would be able to find out if something is wrong with your kid. My kid is 2 and I can totally see how it takes a while after they’re a tiny baby to notice the difference in their behavior to that of their peers. It just seems so strange to link a correlation between these two based on nothing.

To be clear, there is no credible evidence to indicate that any of this is true. None. Twelve epidemiological studies have found no data that links the MMR (measles/mumps/rubella) vaccine to autism; six studies have found no trace of an association between thimerosal (a preservative containing ethylmercury that has largely been removed from vaccines since 20011) and autism, and three other studies have found no indication that thimerosal causes even subtle neurological problems. The so-called epidemic, researchers assert, is the result of improved diagnosis, which has identified as autistic many kids who once might have been labeled mentally retarded or just plain slow. In fact, the growing body of science indicates that the autistic spectrum — which may well turn out to encompass several discrete conditions — may largely be genetic in origin. In April, the journal Nature published two studies that analyzed the genes of almost 10,000 people and identified a common genetic variant present in approximately 65 percent of autistic children.

Another thing that kills me about anti-Westernists is the fact that their solutions or treatments to anything are FAR more unstudied that anything in Western medicine. Anytime I talk to people who try herbs or homeopathy, they always think things work that are not FDA approved, or researched very well.  I know it’s hard to get the FDA to approve anything without a lot of research and time, but isn’t there some safety in that? The article talked this too – some of the Autism activists are recommending Vitamin D as the cure-all:

The speakers told parents not to despair. Vitamin D would help, said one doctor and supplement salesman who projected the equation “No vaccines + more vitamin d = no autism” onto a huge screen during his presentation. (If only it were that simple.) Others talked of the powers of enzymes, enemas, infrared saunas, glutathione drips, chelation therapy (the controversial — and risky — administration of certain chemicals that leech metals from the body), and Lupron (a medicine that shuts down testosterone synthesis).

Why do people support other treatments that are highly inventive, under researched and kind of risky rather than just going with rational scientific methods? This is the question I pose to you. I really am blown away by it all. Why are parents so CERTAIN they’re right?

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Music Movies and Marriage

November 26, 2009 · 4 Comments

The second time I met my husband he said to me – out of the blue – “we really need to discuss your musical taste. I went through your music at your house and it made me cringe.” Excusez-moi? This was pre- me falling madly in love with him, so I just stared at him like he was a mere placeholder and laughed.

But after a few dates and me figuring out he was perfect, I came to realize that he is an incredibly music snob. And that he is usually right about music. Ok maybe always. It’s been difficult to maintain my own sort of musical identity being married to such a strong musical influence. He scoffs at Kelly Clarkson, rolls his eyes whenever Taylor Swift comes on, makes fun of all my Top 40 or R&B, and won’t even discuss listening to Dixie Chicks. Ok maybe I don’t have great taste when it comes to music – but I just like songs I can sing along to.

I seriously find myself stuttering when people ask me what kind of music I like. I think to myself: “what would he say” and then I sputter “um Radiohead. ColdPlay.” and that’s always the only two that come to mind. I can’t ever seem to get out all the others:  Imogen Heap, A Fine Frenzy, almost all Opera and Broadway numbers,  Norah Jones, Snow Patrol, Beck, Pink, Gwen Stefani…I just sit and try to channel my husband….And this is coming from me: a Type A, strong-willed feminist with clear ideals, opinions, and goals with a dominant personality to boot.

I feel so insecure listening to my music in the car with him, it’s unimaginable. He has so influenced what I think is good or bad that I can’t hardly bear to control the radio station in front of him. So throughout our marriage I have refused to let him also influence me in the only other arena in which he has strong opinions: Movies.

We do movies separately – me with my girls and him with his friends. That way I can enjoy my girl movies with relaxed pleasure, never wondering if he’s lurking in the background puking at my chick flicks.

So you can perhaps imagine my surprise today when I found him playing music from my all time favorite movie (this month) New Moon. New Moon. Twilight Saga New Moon that my husband has teased me atrociously for devouring in book form and patronizing in movie form multiple times when it’s still in theaters.  It seems today for the first time our worlds have collided. He likes something I like! It felt like a victory.

Here is one of my favorite songs from the movie set to clips from the show. I dare you not to cry!

→ 4 CommentsCategories: Escaping to Read · Having a Life
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Don’t Stop Believing. Hold onto that Feeling

November 15, 2009 · 6 Comments

I have Journey in my head. I don’t even like Journey but my friend made me an awesome CD to brighten my spirits a few weeks ago and I can’t stop listening to the first song on it. It’s the Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believing.” Fantastic.

I don’t know why, but the thought keeps coming to me that I never blog about anything religious or spiritual. And I keep wondering why I don’t bring it up. I don’t know if it’s because this blog started out as mostly as an outlet of a working-and-stay-at-home-mom, and thus my posts are typically about work or mommyhood or what. Maybe it’s because I respect what other people believe and don’t like to push my beliefs on anyone else, or make anyone uncomfortable. Or maybe I’m just uncomfortable putting this big, huge, important part of me out there for speculation.

I’m not sure what it is, but today I re-watched Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s General Conference address about the Book of Mormon and it did something to me today. It made me think about the importance of sharing your beliefs without fear. There’s so much on blogs these days – and Facebook – and TV – and the internet – and everywhere else that speak so loudly and so brashly against the things of God and the things that I believe in. The things of God are quieter, softer, and more peaceful  – and thus harder to get if you’re not listening. Sometimes I think we have to be more vocal and more clear than we usually are if we’re going to counteract the things that seek to destroy the things of God.  Just so it’s clear – I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A Mormon. And I know God lives. I know Jesus is the Christ and Savior of all mankind and it is only through him that we can be saved. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who restored The Church in its fullness. And I know the Book of Mormon to be a true and living testament of Jesus Christ. And if you’re not LDS and ever have questions about The Church, I’d love to help answer them.

I love Holland’s address at General Conference – it is so powerful. Today it helped me remember what I already know.

and part 2:

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Am I Too Late?

November 11, 2009 · 6 Comments

Halloween was a week ago. Scratch that – almost two weeks ago. So is it too late to post my kiddo’s Halloween pics? Probably, but I will anyway. He was a scarecrow. Obviously. He had to be something from Wizard of Oz!

October 2009 035

Halloween was fun this year. Last year it sucked because that’s the day we discovered how allergic H. is to peanuts. The day care fed him a PB&J and he blew up like a balloon. We had to take him to the hospital and everything. $2100 later we knew not to feed him any nuts. That was a fun lesson to learn on Halloween night – the night everybody passes out M&M’s and Snickers that we can no longer eat!

October 2009 038So anyway, this year we went to our church’s Trunk or Treat, and then went Trick-Or-Treating with our friends to another area. H. loved it once he got the hang of saying “trick or treat” – (sounded something like “tickteat”). And afterwards we just separated out the candy with nuts (half the loot). I guess one good thing about a nut allergy is that he’ll only be eating half his candy every year.

Anyhoo, that’s all I’ve got right now. We’ve been working so many hours (wahoo!) I can’t seem to figure out a time to write for myself….

→ 6 CommentsCategories: Raising a Toddler · Running a Business · Working from Home

Funeral Potatoes Stink

October 23, 2009 · 2 Comments

I got asked to make Funeral Potatoes for the luncheon after a funeral today of one of our church members. And I just realized that I have never made them before! Being a Mormon staple, you’d think I would have some experience with them, but thankfully this is my first (and only) time.

Let me tell you that Funeral Potatoes stink up your whole home. I’m not sure with high-saturated-fatty ingredient it is that is the real culprit, or if it’s just the combination of all those lipids, but it smells terrible in here. I’m having a hard time working.

So I’ll write.

Speaking of food, my family is compiling a really fun recipe book. I wanted to do this one one from BHG Life in Photos – A) because I do the copy writing for the products on their website and B) because it’s the cutest recipe book I’ve ever seen. And C) because it’s cheaper than the other ones around too. But it only holds 10 recipes and we have a ginormous family. So we opted for one on Shutterfly instead.

I’m really excited for this recipe book. We’re all getting one for Christmas. Our theme is “Family Favorites” – so all 6 of my siblings plus all their kids each get a page to put their favorite dishes. I have some awesome cooks in my family so I’m really excited.

This kind of project really makes me happy. My family is pretty scattered all over the country so it will be a nice way to have a reminder of them in my kitchen. I’m just happy no one chose funeral potatoes as their favorite dish.

→ 2 CommentsCategories: Cooking · Having a Life
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Miscarriages and Other Things That Don’t Make Sense

October 13, 2009 · 11 Comments

I found out I had miscarried the same week I found out they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to Obama. Nothing on earth made sense last week. Miscarriages never have made sense to me. The only thing they tell you is that it’s nature’s way of eliminating something that’s not right. That something was wrong and the body knew it. Although this Darwinian explanation may make logical sense, it doesn’t make any emotional or spiritual sense to me. I was pregnant. I had a growing baby inside of me. Everything was fine and suddenly it wasn’t.

The first time I miscarried was within the first 3 months of our marriage. It was a honeymoon baby and so unexpected I actually took 4 pregnancy tests (all positive) before I accepted the answer. 9 weeks later I was staring at a silent monitor that registered no heart beat, then laying on a gurney in the O.R. praying the anesthesia would hurry and take over. Then eating graham crackers in the recovery room with my concerned husband.  3 1/2 years later history repeated itself. My life right now feels like one long, bleak episode of deja vu.

The only thing know that makes this all sort of bearable this time is that I know if you let God heal your hurt and your anger, you can come out alright. And you can be a comfort and help to other women who go through it too. I know that the women in my life who have gone through this before me have certainly been a strength to me. Plus I guess all heartbreaks, disappointments, traumas, and painful experiences can be for your good if you let them, instead of letting them harden you. Which is hard not to do. . .

Most people who haven’t gone through something like this don’t know what to say. They try (bless their hearts) to think of things to say. But really everything just comes out so cliche and insincere at the time. The best thing you can do is just cry with them or tell them you’re so sorry. Because there are no other words on earth that can help.

For example, things like:

You’ll have more children. There will be other babies.

Even though this is  statistically realistic, it doesn’t really make you feel better. You’re not thinking of other babies yet. You’re grieving for this one.  Because I wanted this one. This baby. It’s not like my pregnancy with H. replaced my first one. Each pregnancy is very individual. And you deserve the right to mourn for it.

Well at least you weren’t further along.

You can’t imagine (unless you’ve been through it) how emotionally attached you become during pregnancy – even in the first weeks. It changes your life – you’re sick, you’re tired, you’re excited, you start making plans. You’ve told people. And then when you lose it, it’s like the future goes dark for a while. It isn’t how far along you are that is the issue. It’s the fact that the future has been taken away from you. It’s like when you’re dating someone you love and you make all these plans with them – they’re part of your life, part of your soul. And then something shifts and suddenly you’re broken up and you have to remap your entire life. Have to figure out who you are without them. It’s that altering.

I decided that life right now is a mess of things that don’t make all that much sense. And I think I have learned to really appreciate the people in my life who are true soul mates. True friends. Experiences like this make you appreciate having people to turn to who will mourn with you and comfort you in times of need. What would life be without these angels?

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HS Reunions and Married Life

September 25, 2009 · 1 Comment

Last weekend was my husband’s 10 year reunion. Not only did we go, but my husband was (unluckily for me) Class President, so we were in charge of it. But it was actually fun. My husband planned the entire thing by himself, we had it at the Crimson Room at the University of Utah, overlooking Salt Lake City at sunset. It was a beautiful room, the food was good, and the people were really nice. I got to be the cashier at the front desk. Since I didn’t go to school with my husband, and therefore didn’t really know anybody, I “manned” the money table.

Being the cashier was perfectly entertaining. I got a front-row seat to meet all the people my husband went to school with – and I got to people-watch to my heart’s desire.

The ones I paid most attention to were the girls who came alone to the reunion. That hit close to home. I was that girl/woman for a long time. I was never the type to always have a boyfriend – I didn’t like men enough to keep them around just for company, so I was always the girl who went to company parties, events, movies, etc. alone. And I went – just like these girls – with my head held high, daring anyone to question my independence. Looking at this girls at the HS reunion made me respect them. And it made me so grateful that I’m married.

I keep wondering why so many people are getting divorced. I’m not talking about the people who really need to get out. I’m talking about the people who want “out” because they’re bored. I’m so over it. They think their life will be happier if they are single again or with someone else. Why would you choose to leave this life? Being married comes with its challenges, but c’mon! Don’t get me wrong – I was happy single. But being married is so much more fulfilling, so much less lonely, so much more fun, so much more comfortable. At least for me.

I think the reality of life is that most of the time happiness is a choice. The people I know who weren’t happy single aren’t happy married either. And if you’re unhappy in your marriage, you’ll probably be unhappy divorced. Because the problem is probably YOU! So any relationship you carry yourself to is going to have a dysfunctional element to it. I think people need to stop living the illusion that if you can just have something different you’ll be happy. Maybe true happiness comes from choosing to make the best out of what you’ve got. What do you think?

→ 1 CommentCategories: Having a Life · Learning to be happy

The Wizard of Oz Analysis

September 15, 2009 · 11 Comments

Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I’d like to contest that I have seen the Wizard of Oz more in the last 3 weeks than anybody on earth. Anybody except my son. My almost-2 year old is obsessed with the Wizard of Oz. Having gone nearly 2 years without watching TV, this movie surge is a bit surprising. But not inexplicable. I’m afraid it’s my fault. Well, both mine and my hubby’s fault. We decided to decorate our baby room with old-school Frank L. Baum Wizard of Oz decor.

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Here’s just a few of our books about the W.O.O. that we displayed at his birthday party.

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And of course the Wizard of Oz cake…which he devoured with ferocity.

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I guess considering this kind of start, it should come as no surprise that he’s a big fan of the show. I didn’t think of it as brain-washing or subconsciously influential at the time, I just thought it was cute to try out a theme for our first born.

But now I see that our son as no choice but to absolutely adore Wizard of Oz to the point where he’ll watch nothing else. Nemo? No. Cars? Not for more than 5 minutes. Wizard of Oz? He’ll watch every part of it with active interest, even the black and white (sepia) parts, the scary flying monkey parts, everything.

The first 10 times I watched the show, I couldn’t believe how impressive the costumes are – even in today’s standards. And the acting! Unparalleled. Judy Garland was only 15 or 16 at the time and she’s so good! And the witch is awesome too. H loves the witch – every time she comes on he shouts “Kitch!” – (we have enunciation issues).

But the last 10 times I’ve watched it my opinion is reflecting my irritation of having to watch it again and the behest of my son. Like I think it’s so rude how Uncle Henry and Auntie Em don’t stay looking for Dorothy very long during the cyclone. If my kid (or niece) was out there – I wouldn’t just bail on them!

And what kind of good witch would let a child wander around Oz for days and days so she could “learn a lesson” rather than just letting her go home right away? (Glinda tells Dorothy she’s always had the power to go home – she just wouldn’t have believed her. She had to learn for herself). Right, Dorothy who just landed on a wicked witch, suddenly saw color for the first time, hung out with munchkins and saw Glinda floating in a bubble “wouldn’t have believed.” Riiight.

I could go on. It’s just obvious that I need to stop watching this show! Any ideas for other movies kids can get hooked on that I can use to switch him?

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Connecting with your Inner Child

August 30, 2009 · 5 Comments

One of my favorite things this summer has been the Salt Lake City Connect Pass. Basically you pay $20 and get two full days of all the kid-friendly things SLC has to offer. My sister is here from New York so we all took our families around Salt Lake.

We started at This is the Place Heritage Park which has awesome replicas of pioneer buildings like a church, school, barber shop, and bank and had people dressed up like they were in the late 1800’s. You’d stop at each place and they’d tell you about what it was like back then. I loved it! H. really liked the petting zoo and riding the ponies.

This is the Place Petting Zoo

This is the Place Petting Zoo

This is the Place pony rides

This is the Place pony rides

Then we went to the Hogle Zoo and had lunch. I love that the food at the zoo is cheap. That’s so rare. They have great burgers and super yummy salty pretzels with cheese that I love. I used to have a season pass but didn’t renew it since summer was nearly over. Next year. Anyway, H. fell asleep right when we saw the three brand new baby tigers. They were so cute!

After we went home to take naps (and I’ll admit, by this time I was ready for one too), we drove down south to the Thanksgiving Point dinasaur museum.This Museum of Ancient Life has the largest display of mounted dinosaurs in the world. H. loved losing us in the crowd and making us chase him through every single room. Seriously, he’s going to be a world-class sprinter. We have no pictures of him there because he was too fast.

The next day we went to the Discovery Gateway in Downtown, SLC. This place is incredible. There are these awesome balls that you can send up these vacuums and watch them go through all these tubes. Then they have a huge water works area, a kitchen and grocery store, and a little tike area that H. really dug.

Discovery Gateway

Discovery Gateway

Discovery Gateway water works

Discovery Gateway water works

Toddler play area of Discovery Gateway

Toddler play area of Discovery Gateway

Then we ate at the Lion House (best rolls ever). Lunch was included in the Connect Pass. If we added up all the money we would have spent, it would be in the $70 range but with the Connect Pass we only spent $20.

After lunch we caught Trax and rode to the Clark Planetarium. They have cool movies there – 3D and such – and some other cool sciency things that are better for older kids than my toddler. Here’s H. on Mars and the Moon.

Holden on mars

On Mars

First baby on the moon

First baby on the moon

As you can see, H. was pretty much spent at this point. We tried to take him to a movie on Saturn but he wasn’t having it. It was so fun to explore SLC and play with family all day long.

→ 5 CommentsCategories: Being Economical · Making your life easier · Raising a Toddler

The Problem with Pain

August 25, 2009 · 3 Comments

I just read a book that said that true bonding among friends happens not over a laugh and a good time, but through grief. “We all have our sorrows, and although the exact delineaments, weight and dimensions of grief are different for everyone, the color of grief is common to us all.” – Diane Setterfield

Pain is not only universal, it’s enlightening, healing, poignant, clarifying, detoxifying, and cleansing. But it’s painful. And the problem with pain is that it’s something you want to avoid. At all costs.  I’m no exception – I totally opted for the epidural when I gave birth.

But there’s a clarity you experience when you’re in pain that you can’t find any other time. I think that’s why pain is such a big part of life. We’re not here to breeze through this world unafflicted. We’re here to grow, change, develop, and mature.

I worry that my generation (and younger) is so used to things not being that hard, so that they don’t know how to handle pain when it comes. We do everything possible to avoid it and minimize it. Pills, sex, rebounds, alcohol, escape, delusion….

I fear they’ll stay with a boyfriend they know isn’t right for them because it’s painful to breakup. And I fear that they’ll walk away from a spouse when times get tough because it’s easier than fighting to make it work.

I  got hired (randomly) to sing at a funeral last week for an aged man. One of the speakers told this story that is still with me. She said she and her sisters were at this man’s home and his wife was going off about him and complaining to these ladies about him. They managed to peak over at him to see how he was handling all of this. She said he sat there with a gleam in his eye and a smile like “isn’t my wife so witty and clever?”

It made me realize something about our generation. We don’t stick. We don’t endure. We don’t make lemonade out of lemons – we throw them away and get a brand new orange instead.

I’m not suggesting we seek out pain. Rather, I wonder if there’s a way we can just learn how to deal with it better when it comes – rather than cave, hide, or run…?

→ 3 CommentsCategories: Having a Life · Learning to be happy