The Pool of Tears

Chapter two of Alice in Wonderland is all about growing pains and consequences. It reminds me of the awkward stage of childhood and when you’re too big to be little but too little to be big.

“Curiouser and curiouser!” cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English). “Now I’m opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Goodbye feet!”

Growing up can be so confusing. You’re expected to act your age, but the rules are always changing. Adults tell you you’re too old to do many of the things you like doing and then they tell you you’re too young to do what you’d like to try doing.

“Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? . . . Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle!” And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of them.

I remember babysitting once when I was 12 and I remember thinking I was all grown up, but I still wanted to play with the kids I was babysitting. We were playing a game and I had to keep fighting the impulse to get upset that one of the kids was cheating. I wanted to tattle on him! But there was no one to tattle to – I was the “adult” in the situation. But I felt the feelings of a “child.” And it was a very confusing moment when I realized I didn’t quite belong to either category.

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever she sat down and began to cry again.

Crying was one of the weirdest emotions I remember trying to resist all my life. It seems like when you’re little, you can cry as much as you want and there’s always someone there to comfort you. But as you get older, crying becomes shameful. Something only babies do. So it becomes something you feel stupid for doing. But something that often seems out of your control, especially if you’re a girl.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said Alice. “a great girl like you,” (she might well say this), “to go on crying this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!” But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.

Growing up with 4 older brothers, crying was something I did a lot, but also something I tried to do privately so I wouldn’t get harassed even more. But sometimes public crying can’t be helped. I’ve cried in speeches to a congregation, in front of a group voice class because I was scared, in front of my boss, in work meetings, oh it’s the worst! Those damn tears, they just sneak up on you and you can’t stop!

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!

And such is life.

The Crisis of Credit

Check out this little goody from Jonathan Jarvis. It’s a short video on how we got into this economic crisis. It may be somewhat simplified, but it’s a fantastic way to learn more about it.

more about “Vodpod Firefox Extension for WordPress“, posted with vodpod

Ways to Cut Costs in the Kitchen

Since getting laid off in December I’ve been trying to find ways to reduce my grocery expenses. I always felt justified on keeping that budget the same because we have to eat for heaven’s sake! Plus I really like to cook….

But times being what they are, we need to conserve on everything right now, including the grocery bill. So I’ve been learning how to save money and still make healthy (but not so gourmet anymore) meals for my family.

Here are the tips I’ve learned so far:

• Plan out your meals. I keep a calendar above my stove that tells me and my family what’s for dinner. I plan out these menus a week in advance, make my grocery list and then buy only what’s on my list.

• Make things from scratch. Thanks to my Silent Generation mother I have a really good example of how to make things from scratch. I now make my own bread, my own noodles, my own pasta (it’s just eggs, flour and water, baby), my own cereal, etc.

• Buy in Bulk My family goes through about 1 loaf of bread per week.  A nice, healthy loaf of bread costs now about $4.50. That’s $18 a month. $216 a year. Whereas if I buy my own wheat (50 lbs for $50) at Honeyville Grain I can get 200 cups of flour if I grind it (at my mom’s house). My recipe calls for about 10 cups of flour and makes 4 loafs. This way, each homemade, healthy loaf coasts me only $1.6.  This really only works if you buy in bulk. You can buy wheat flour, but it’s getting pretty expensive, so grinding your own wheat is the way to go. Wheat grinders run about $200-$300 but they last forever.

• Use Kitchen Towels. I’ve figured out that I can save over nearly $200 just by using hand towels instead of paper towels. We (especially) I always grab more paper towels than I really need. And I like those kind that have the smaller sections you can tear off, but why not just eliminate this cost altogether and just using kitchen towels to clean up spills, dry your hands, etc.?

• Make Your Meat Go Further. Meat’s expensive. I just served a pork roast to a dinner party of 8 and it alone cost me $30. Why did I do a pork roast when I could have done two chicken roasts that look just as fancy (with a little rosemary rub) for $8!! Here’s what I hate about chicken. You get sucked into buying boneless, skinless, chicken breasts because they’re uuuber convenient. But as I’ve been retrenching, I’ve realized I can get SO much more out of chicken if I buy the whole thing. The entire chicken costs only $4-$5 bucks for a 4 lb bird. And it’s really not that hard to clean, tear off the neck (I know it sounds gross) and roast. But you can get a nice roast the first night – and eat the wings and legs), then shred the breast for chicken enchiladas the next night and then take the rest of the meat and make chicken noodle soup! It’s so easy. There’s no waste this way. I boil the bones and everything and get a nice chicken stock. And add carrots, the rest of the meat, some cream of chicken and homemade noodles and you have a fantastic soup. Three easy meals for my carnivorous boys for less than $5 each.

• Go Italian. Pasta is so cheap. Even if you don’t want to make your own pasta, you can buy hard pasta at the grocery store for under $2 and get two major meals – plus leftovers – out of it. And I always make my own sauces. Alfredo is simply parmesan, milk, cream cheese and garlic. Marinara is easy to make with garlic, tomato paste and canned tomatoes. If you keep it vegetarian and just add frozen vegetables you can make these Italian dinners for under $3 each.

• Beans Beans Beans Baby. Beans are the biggest steal right now, if you buy them dry. Cooking with dry beans takes time, but very little effort. You can soak them overnight and then boil and simmer them in water for about 30 minutes to an hour. (If you don’t want to soak them you don’t have to, it just speeds up the cooking time). Or I’ve heard you can cook beans in the oven, which I’ve never tried. But I’m learning to make a lot of things with my bulk beans. I made homemade re-fried beans the other night. And I can make white-bean chili, regular chili, and black bean soup. These meals can save you so much money. Canned beans are about $1.7 and only yield about 1 1/2 cups. But a 16 oz bag of dry beans yield about 8 cups cooked beans and are only $2.5. So that’s 30 cents a cup vs. $1.13 a cup. Did I do the math right?

If you have any additional tips of thing to do to save on your grocery budget, share it here!

Why Are So Many Kids Allergic to Peanuts?

Did you ever hear of anyone being allergic to peanut butter when you were growing up? I never did! We ate pb&j’s all the time on white, nutrition-less Wonder Bread without thinking twice about an affect. I used to scoff at people who made such a big deal about serving nuts on planes and in schools. Seriously, it’s just a peanut! How deadly can it be?

Well….serves me right. I have a toddler with a peanut allergy. And it IS a big deal. I am now becoming one of those big deal makers! I want to sock people in the mouth who don’t take it seriously. People like Joel Stein, who writes for LA Times, (but shouldn’t because he’s a bad writer) and says that peanut allergies are an invention of yuppy parents.

I’d like to see Joel witness his tiny son get red, itchy bulges all over his face and watch his lips blow up like a balloon and  then see if he still has the nerve to tell me I’m making this up. It’s really quite heartbreaking. And so scary.

The number of kids with peanut allergies has doubled in the last five years. So why do so many kids have peanut allergies? Maybe it’s my fault for liking peanut butter so much. One theory suggests pregnant women who eat a lot of peanut butter are to blame. Another, called the Hygiene Hypothesis says that because our kids have fewer infections, their immune systems (I’m assuming out of boredome) are targeting other things like the enviroment and food.

That’s a really weird theory. But I can’t come up with anything better. My attempt was that maybe evolutionarily kids are protecting themselves from peanut butter but getting allergies to it. Maybe we’re supposed to rid our world of those foods for future health. There was that big  salmonella, peanut-recall lately. . . . hmmm, probably not a plausible theory. Do you have one?

PS:  NorthWest Airlines (my airline of choice) just re-introduced peanuts to its snack menu, despite protests. Following Delta’s lead, I’m sure, with whom they recently merged with. I couldn’t be more disapointed.

Temp-ing: Why There’s No Shame in It

I did the advertising for a staffing agency when I worked my first job out of college. It never sounds glorious when you have to resort to finding placement through a staffing company; but actually, it can be a really great thing. After I left this first “real” job, I moved to Dallas, Texas to be closer to family and to dip my fingers in the big waters of advertising. Unfortunately the ad industry snagged a bit during that time (2003) and what had once been an abundant reservoir turned into a small stream. Plus, Dallas has big advertising firms where I found out that I”d have to be pigeon-holed into just one area, where before, at a small firm, I was used to be involved in every department.  I really struggled in Dallas trying to find my niche. So I went to a staffing agency to see if I could pass the time (since I love to work) until got back into my career with  something else I would like.

I went to a temp agency and got placed with a flooring company called Masters Flooring. I loved it! I didn’t know anything about granite, marble, traverine, plank flooring, strip flooring, etc. but I learned all about it. I helped streamline some of their processes, got to play solitaire or read when it was slow and designed and redesigned my dream home a billion different ways.

I left Texas to move to New York for a few months while I was waiting to hear back from graduate school (which didn’t happen btw). There, I babysat, worked at a beautiful, high end restaurant in Bronxville village called Underhills Crossing, and temped again at a village building in Ossining, New York. And for those of you who don’t know, that’s where Sing Sing is. Yes, the notorious maximum security prison. I worked with really nice ladies whose thick New York accents are permanently embedded into my head. I learned that parking tickets never go away. And that city building workers get a lot of free dessert to make up the lack in pay.

None of these jobs look that great on a resume. But I think life lessons are more important than having an impressive Vitae. I won’t go into detail just now but the personal growth I experienced during my time in Texas and New York was immense. And I appreciate staff agencies for helping me find this work. Some people say you should hold out for the perfect job. I say the perfect job can be any job you allow yourself to enjoy.

The Working Gal’s Guide to Shopping Online

I spent the last 2 years working full time, commuting nearly an hour each way,  having and raising a baby and still trying to put a made-from-scratch dinner on the table each night. Needless to say, I didn’t have a lot of time for anything outside this list. Especially shopping at my favorite stores.  So I became quite adept at shopping online.

Pros to shopping online:

• You can do it when you have time – online stores are always open.
• No annoying sales people. I’m sort of anti-social when I shop. I don’t want to make “friends” with a commission-based sales person even if they do lie and tell me “those pants look great on your @$$.”
• More selection. With online shopping you’re not limited by one location’s lack of inventory.
• No commute. I love this feature. I’d rather pay for shipping than fight traffic myself.

Tricks of the trade:

• Have a tape measure handy. Each online retail outlet has a different sizing chart. And most are accurate for their products, so measure yourself before blindly selecting size 4. (Another perk to shopping online – nobody but you knows what size you’re buying).
• Don’t get lured by the new arrivals. One of the best features of shopping online with the sale rack. Online websites have these under Sale and Clearance. You can get fantastic deals one items that were hot only a month ago and pay 40% less than everybody else did back then. Items like winter items go on clearance in the middle of winter – not at the end, so you’ll still have plenty of time to use them.
• Use Promotional Codes. Every shopping website has a place for promotional codes. Before I became internet shopping savvy, I passed by them. Now I take advantage of them every time. You can get promotional codes from the magazine or emails your favorite shopping websites send you. OR there’s a fantastic website I use for everything I buy online. It’s called Retail Me Not and it provides a one-stop shop for promotional codes for a zillion different websites. This is a must use when shopping online.
• Buy from retailers who have local stores when possible. Not only is it good to shop local, but if something doesn’t fit, you can return it and exchange the item for more money since you used a promotional code and saved so much when you bought it online!
• Return Without Regret. Use websites that make it as easy as possible to return items without paying shipping again.  See below for retailers that provide free return shipping labels.

Great shopping sites for working professionals

• SmartBargains.com Pros: This has got to be my favorite online retailer. Smart Bargains offers designer clothing for someone on a budget. Plus they have this great email feature that emails you personalized deals based on your spending habits (be forewarned they will email you a lot). Another great feature is the Smart Shoppers Club. Basically you join for $7.95 and you get $2.95 shipping on every order. It’s fantastic. It’s worth joining even if you only order from there twice. I love the cheap shipping and they provide return labels so you don’t have to pay shipping twice. Cons: No exchanges
• Victoria’s Secret Pros: VS isn’t just a great underwear retailer. Victoria’s Secret has high quality professional clothes too. I especially like their sweaters, shirts and dresses. You usually have to order quite a bit to get promotional codes. They also provide return labels and make returning very simple.  Cons: The clothes run a bit small, so overestimate your size.  Pants tend on the shorter side. Shipping is on the expensive end (unless you’re using promo codes!)
• Ann Taylor Loft Pros: I really appreciate Ann Taylor’s focus on Petite sizes. I’m 5′8″ so I’m not petite but I appreciate their focus on small people because I can imagine it’s hard to find clothes that fit when you’re short. Anyway, they have long and regular too, so don’t worry. Anny Taylor Loft is a great website for the working gal – their slacks fit great, they have nice sweaters and shirts and they are consistent in their sizing charts. They also feature easy returns. Cons: Sometimes everything looks the same and their selection gets a little monotonous.

I’ll continue this topic as time goes on. But this will help get anyone started who is trying to increase her professional wardrobe on a budget.

Where Was Facebook When I was Dating?

I am completely jealous of all the viral tools at the disposal of single people right now. Where was Facebook when I was single?  When I was in college (and, yes, sadly I am aging myself) none of us even had cell phones until senior year. We thought we were so lucky. It was so much easier to date when you could actually get a hold of the person were wanted to talk to instead of having to talk to a (gasp) parent or roommate first who undoubtedly would not pass along the message.

Of course now all the dating is done through text messages and viral communities, which is even better for spineless, sweaty-palmed boys who can’t form complete sentences or have a real conversation anyway!

But still. These online tools would have been fantastic aids in the complex maze of my college and post-college dating years. Here’s what I love about Facebook:

• Posting staged, “look how hot I am pursing my lips for the camera” photos is socially acceptable. I love how you can upload a bazillion pictures without being called conceited. I could have walked around campus in sweats (or what everyone else was wearing, scrubs) and rested on the laurels of my hot Facebook photos to carry me socially.

• Making your move can be done without totally putting yourself out there. I would have loved Facebook for this reason when I was single. You can be Facebook friends, instant message, write on each other’s walls or send an email – ALL without being too forward. It’s (strangely) socially acceptable to talk to people you would NEVER call on the phone through Facebook because it’s so non-intrusive. Man. I would have gotten so many more dates.

• Facebook rejection is nothing like real-life rejection. When someone ignores your friend request, or when you ignore theirs, it doesn’t hurt like it does when someone walks away from you at the bar. You can just tell yourself they didn’t really see it, or didn’t recognize me, or were too busy. It doesn’t take much convincing to come up with a valid reason. That’s the great thing about Facebook – so much is left unsaid and undisclosed so you can make up your own justifications for everything.

• Being passive-aggressive is totally acceptable. It’s not ok to walk around with a sign on your chest saying “Amber is sad today” or “Amber wishes she wouldn’t have said that” but on Facebook it’s more than ok. If you’re feeling like you just need a little attention, you can just change your status and get people to fawn all over you.

• Spreading the word about parties, clam-bakes, socials, etc. would have been so much easier if I had Facebook back then. Calling a hundred people and inviting them to a party took weeks and weeks. Oh wait, I never had the fortitude for that. But now, you can invite every person you’ve ever met with a simple click through Facebook.

Luckily I landed a hot man who had the nerve to ask me out without the aid of Facebook. Oh wait, he didn’t have the nerve to ask me out. He waited until both of his roommates got my number and finally asked one of them for it weeks later. But he did call – so let’s give him some credit. And he wasn’t daunted by me saying no the first time. What a man!

Chapter 1 – Down The Rabbit Hole

I remember the first time I laid eyes on Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. My mother took me to an antique book shop that was selling book sets for cheap. The Alice in Wonderland book was midnight blue with elaborate gold trim. I couldn’t believe no one had snatched it up yet. It looked expensive and special. I took it home and felt wise leafing through the textured, manila pages. I felt much like Alice at the time: self-important, curious and cautious.

when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and, burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it . . .

Alice in Wonderland is a fascinating read even as an adult. Carroll’s mastery of wordplay is continually impressive. And his ability to capture the innocent delight and demands of children is captivating. Everytime I read it I feel that youthful hope that very few things are impossible.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well.

It bothers me when people call Carroll a pedophiliac or a Peter Pan. When they try to make something ugly out of something innocent. I think he just liked being around people (admittedly small people) who were unaffected and artless. His world was filled with duty, prudence, societal expectations and strict propriety. I’m sure there was little room for freedom and creativity among these stuffy Victorians.

Presently she began again. “I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it’ll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards! The Antipathies, I think – ” (she was rather glad there was no one listening, this time, as it didn’t sound at all the right word). . ..

Carroll created a world in which the rules adults had seemed out of place and silly. A world where a girl might employ logic, no matter how out of place it is to make sense of things on her own.  A world where one could ask questions and find out answers while being slightly removed from the demands of propriety and reality.

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself “Which way? Which way” holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing; and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size. To be sure, this is what generally happens when one eats cake; but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.

His fantastical world is a place I come to visit at least once a year. I hope you enjoy my installments of his delightful little treasure.

Teaching our Children About Money: How to Avoid our Generation’s Financial Mistakes

There’s a really great article on how to get a better credit score that got me wondering why too many of my peers are so bad with money and others aren’t. There seem to be a lot of factors to this, but here’s who I blame:

1. Education System. I think they’re better now, but when I was in school we NEVER had lessons or classes on personal finance. My generation got out of high school and were immediately lured by shiny plastic cards and the free T-shirt we got by signing up.
2. Shiny Plastic Card Companies. Their marketing was totally geared towards enticing people to buy what they couldn’t afford with cards they shouldn’t have been approved to have.
3. Stupid Parents. Parents in my generation (except for mine because they were of the “If I didn’t have it as a kid in in the Great Depression, you don’t need it” mentality) are so stupid! They want to give their kids everything because they worked so hard to get it. So their kids (my peers) are spoiled, reckless, presumptuous and impatient.
4. Banks. See #2. Same reasoning. They loaned out way too much to people who thought that’s what they could afford because a big, bad bank told them so.  Such a travesty.

Anyway, but If you can’t buy it with cash, you shouldn’t buy it at all. Credit cards are fantastic and can offer a lot of perks. But only if you can pay off your balances in full every month. I never put anything on a card that I couldn’t pay for in cash. That way, at the end of every month I’m not scrambling to cover it or revolving huge balances and racking up debt with high interest rates.

I think we all need to think hard about how we’re going to teach our kids to respect money and respect credit. No 18 year old deserves a credit card just because they’re 18. They need to have shown they can handle money responsibly in the past. Financial responsibility can start as early as preschool.

Maybe it’s my obsession with work, but I think we need to raise our children that money is earned, not given, with hard work. Giving kids an allowance for doing chores is a great way to teach them to pair money with work. I think that’s why I love money so much – and why I love work so much. Both have such big rewards.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

As a business owner of approximately zero people, I have a lot of time to ponder how to be a good manager. . . . you know in case White Rabbit Advertising ever got big enough to have an employee or two. I think one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned lately is the importance of giving credit (kudos, recognition, etc) where credit is due. And giving credit where credit is maybe not as due, but using is an encouragement tool.

One of my clients, Jeff Davis with Volkswagen SouthTowne, is one of the best managers I’ve ever met. One of the things I notice about him is that he gives his employees credit for their ideas.  The other night he sent me a text thanking me for the marketing ideas I’ve brought to the table and giving me credit for their success that weekend.

The thing is, anyone who knows anything about marketing knows, sure, if it’s good, it will bring people through the door. But good management is responsible for closing the deal. I’ve seen him manage his employees. He is the reason that store was so  successful last weekend. And yet, he gave me credit for it. And I’m sure, he was going around giving credit to every employee for their part in making them successful.

I’ve seen a lot of  business owners struggle with this issue.  They want to take credit for everything that works well in their business. And then blame everyone else for anything that doesn’t work well. This kind of externalized egocentricity is not only unappetizing to employees (and thus, can lead to dissension) but can cause such an inflated sense of self that these business owners start making poor decisions thinking they can do no wrong.

So how do you stay humble? How do you stay realistic despite success? I’ve never had that problem because I’m not ridiculously successful! . . . yet. It’s an interesting issue to think about. But certainly, putting good people around you and then continually thanking them and giving them credit for what they bring to the table is paramount.