Co-op to Make Your Life Easier

The common talk of the struggle for survival has obscured the plain fact that man rose in the world primarily by cooperating, not struggling with his fellows

–Hermann Muller

I used the scoff at the idea that it took a whole village to raise a child, but since having a kid I now fully appreciate the value of neighborly cooperation.

About a year ago my friend (and neighbor) started a dinner co-op. She cooks dinner for my family once a week and once I week I cook dinner for hers. You cannot fathom the relief it is to NOT have to cook one night a week AND get dropped off a delicious 3-4 course meal that didn’t cost you anything.

It helps both of us cook more regularly, more nutritiously, and more experimentally. I’ve explored new territories like Thai, Indian, Southern, and Spanish, and pushed my culinary talent beyond what I thought I could do because of this dinner co-op. It’s so fun to cook for more people than just your own little family. It’s like having a dinner party every week.

Here’s my homemade Wild Mushroom pasta I made for coop recently

It’s a win-win all around. We get to try new foods, enjoy giddy anticipation for what the other is  going to bring over once a week, and once a week my husband doesn’t have to clean up my dinner mess.

Obviously a dinner coop works best when the parties involved are of equal or similar size. And if you detest cooking, this probably won’t make you as happy as it does me.

But there are other types of co-op’s that are wonderful too. Once of my other neighbors organized a date-night co-op for 4 families in the area. Every Saturday one of us is in charge of babysitting the kids of the other 3 parents. Those other 3 parents get to go out on dates that night and the once in charge play with the kids. Basically you get to go out every weekend night but one and you don’t have to pay a babysitter.

Babysitting isn’t terribly expensive, but since the lay off, we’ve been really trying to watch what we spend. And though this date-night co-op just started, I love it already. Last time we went out, our kiddo couldn’t have been more excited that we were leaving. He got to play with a little buddy, and explore a new house and their fun backyard. He loved it! And that makes me love it.

The other co-op is similar – one of my other friends and I are going to swap kids once a week so we can work. She’s watching mine on Mondays and I’m watching hers on Thursdays. She does accounting, I do marketing. Our boys are about the same age and enjoy playing together. And it gives us time to get work and meetings out of the way without burdening our parents or a neighbor to help us out.

I love co-op’s. I think it’s vital for our sanity as women to work collectively and collaboratively to survive this crazy world. What kinds of co-op’s have you done?

Why I Hate The Devil Wears Prada

Notwithstanding my girl crush on Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada presents a ridiculously optimistic and naiive view of work. The movie, I must admit, is 10 x less annoying to me than the book. But the book is hideous. Here’s why:

1) Main Characters (writer) are Clueless, Naive, and so Gen Y In the movie, Andy’s boyfriend is a sous chef  or something. In the book he’s a do-gooder teacher. I don’t mind idealism, but in both versions he looks down his nose at Andy’s job. And then gets self-righteous about what she’s spending her time doing, like it’s nothing. Being the assistant to a fashion goddess at a magazine may not be her dream job, but it’s certainly a job worth trying hard for. He acts like she’s sold her soul to the devil just because she works long hours and tries hard. It bothers me so much. Since when is a good work ethic something to sneer at?

2) It Tells You You’re Selling Out if you Work Hard Andy in the book is a TERRIBLE worker. In the movie, she improves, but in the book she’s surly, snarky, and flat-out a BAD employee. She complains about everything. She back-bites her boss. She does stupid things like buys coffee with corporate cards and then gives them away to homeless people and thinks she’s being charitable. She’s not doing it out of love, she’s being spiteful. She gives 50% to everything she’s doing and never gets better. This is where the movie for me was the only saving grace. At least there she actually does try somewhat, but in the books she’s a bad employee and then curses her boss for being demanding. Wake up call: Bosses are demanding. They have a right to be Another wake-up call: To move up the ladder you have to work your butt off. You have to be there before anyone else and stay later. That’s just life until you “make it” and there’s no shame in that.

3) It makes being an assertive, successful, aggressive female akin to being the devil. Is there anything more anti-feminist? The boss isn’t someone I may aspire to be in entirety, but she has a lot of great qualities and incredible influence. But the book just views her as a mean, ruthless, byotch without a soul. It’s  so disappointing that media is stuck on portraying successful women as heartless and one-dimensional.

I watched it again last night and I’m not sure why. Maybe because of Meryl Streep. Maybe because I love the fashion world, though I have no part in it. The closest I have ever come to DG is a knock off I bought on the streets in Manhattan. I can barely pronounce designer names, let alone afford them. But I still think the glitz and glamour is fun.

The part that makes me crazy every time is the scene in the movie when Andi brings all the freebies to her friends and they insult her, steal her phone and make her almost miss a call from her boss, and then call her crazy. That’s the theme of the entire book. Right there. I should write book summaries.

Have you read the book? What did you think?

Recession Brings Out the Worst in Clients

Ad Age just had an article called Bad Client Behavior on the Rise that talked about how “Tough economic times tend to bring out the dark side in perfectly civilized professionals.”

For example:

• Individuals (client contacts) you’ve been accustomed to doing business with for years now behave in erratic ways, making unusual demands of your agency.
• Sometimes a client is pushing your agency so low on fees that making a profit is out of the question; just keeping the client becomes the rationale.
• Asking the agency to make unethical decisions.
• Not paying invoices until your accounting department escalates the situation, and then challenging the invoices.
• Demanding that you negotiate unreasonably low prices from your vendors — or else the client will seek its own vendors and get it done directly, even if the quality of execution is at stake.
• A daily flow of tersely worded emails that convey impatience and disrespect.
• The CEO overriding the marketing director on creative execution, giving the agency a case of revision whiplash.
• Taking the agency’s advice on strategy and creative, then abruptly doing an about-face and dictating both. Or else.
• Demanding greater transparency on timesheets, all estimates and invoices.
• Ignoring standard agency timelines and demanding turnaround at a breathless pace, which often leads to mistakes.

The recession is doing a lot of things to clients and marketers in every industry. But I don’t think it’s creating demons from perfectly nice people. It’s just makes them more of what they are.

Clients who are demanding in good times are nearly impossible in bad times. I say “nearly” because in a recession it’s hard for agencies to admit their clients are awful. If they admit it, then it reflects on them, because good agencies are an extension of their clients. So if they’re clients are x, y, and z, it reflects back on them. You know, like in a relationship: You can get out of a relationship and tell all your friends and strangers what a jerk your ex is, but you were the one who chose him/her, so what does that say about you? You know?

This article really bothered me. Here’s why: of course these companies are stressing. Recessions are stressful. Money is tight, sales are down and they’ve got to maximize dollars like crazy. So they’re going to ride us hard. But instead of sitting around whining about it, why aren’t we 1) delivering results 2) putting our foot down about the behavior we won’t tolerate? and 3) working with our clients on establishing a relationship of mutual respect instead of slave and master?

Advertisers need to stop acting like auxiliary partners. Like we’re expendable. Like we’re a budget that they could and should cut. Like clients would be anything without us. Marketing and advertising is directly linked to success. But in a recession?  Marketing and advertising is vital in a recession.  So why do agencies and marketers tip toe around like they could be cut at any time? Because they could be! But who’s fault is that? Clearly we’re not expressing our value enough. We’re letting the CEO’s and Presidents believe that the great branding ideas we’re doing for them are their idea. And that’s part of managing an account. Decision makers don’t want to hear what you say, they’re egos want you to confirm what they’re saying. But there has got to be a balance because the more clients think we’re dispensable, the more they’re going to suffer and get screwed in this recession. But it starts with us. Agencies and marketing consultants need to start walking around with a swagger again.

The First Time I Got Dumped (and the Rules of Dealing with it)

This blogpost is inspired from a blogger who posted ideas for bloggers to blog about. I love reading this list. It reminds me of the blog posts I love most, which always provide a glimpse into someone’s head, their past, or their soul.

The first time I got dumped was at a church dance. I was 15. We had been “going out” for a month and that was a long time for me, since he was my first boyfriend and 4 weeks was longer than 0 weeks.

I went in the bathroom and stared at my reflection, wondering if I should cry. I felt embarrassed and mad more than anything. And then I felt bad about what I had said about him. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t told the biggest-blabbermouth-friend-I-had-in-the-world that when we kissed his lips were so dry it felt like he’d soaked them in battery acid, maybe he’d still be my boyfriend.

And yes, those were my words. I’m not sure why I said it. He really did have dry lips, but I think I was going for bravado more than anything. He hadn’t called me for a few days and I knew it was slipping, so I acted like I didn’t like him. Maybe if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be standing alone in the bathroom feeling stupid.

The first (and only) time we kissed the setting was really sweet, now that I think about it. My neighbors were out of town and I was taking care of their dogs. I went across the street to add some puppy chow to their bowls and my first boyfriend came with me. I was so nervous when he held my hand, I felt like laughing out loud. It must have seemed so awkward to him. He was a year older and obviously much more experienced.

He asked me if he could kiss me and I fumbled for something cool to say, but came up with nothing. I remember not being able to look at him.  I’d look at the field behind us, the railroad ties underneath us, and the trees to the left of us, but never right at him. Oh. My. Gosh. No wonder he dumped me.

Kissing him was not like kissing should be when you’re 15. It was not like one of those cute, 15 year old pecks I’d imagined. It was like kissing on a soap opera. It involved zero lips and lots of tongue, which was broken up by my mother calling me to come home. Not on the phone, mind you, but just calling my name out the door. That’s the way it worked back then.  I felt so numb I think I floated to my house.

But back to the sterile church bathroom. I finally decided not to cry. Crying would just ruin my makeup. I’d go back out to the sparsely decorated dance on shiny, basketball flooring and find someone else to dance with. Unfortunately, the boy who had just dumped me was always within eyesight in that tiny church. He had taken to this new girl and never left her side the whole night. It was agony. I couldn’t believe that I had to watch him start going out with someone else 10 minutes after he dumped me.

I learned some valuable lessons after that first dumping that I used as a guide for the rest of my single life.

1. Distance is Key: Stay far, far away from whoever you just broke up with. If you have a class with them, change it. If you live nearby, move. If you are at the same church dance, bail. You cannot get over someone if you see them regularly. It’s like pouring acid on a gaping wound.
2. Have Good Friends: Good friends will not blab things you say about him to him. Duh. Good friends will not date him after you break up. EVER. Duh. And after the breakup good friends will understand the rules, which are A) don’t ever talk about him B) don’t ever talk to him for you and C) if you do break these rules, at least have good friends who will make fun of him with you.
3. Purge and Move on: It’s impossible to get over someone if you still have their stuff. Sell it, trash it, or give it away. But get rid of it. And this rule isn’t limited to just their stuff, you can get rid of anything that reminds you of them, like clothes, pictures, gifts, letters, etc. Then you’re ready to consider moving on.
4. Don’t Rebound: It’s not always a good idea to get out there and join the dance right away. Sometimes it’s good to hole up and figure out what went wrong. That way you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And it helps your Karma not to take out your pain on someone else, see #5
5. What Goes Around Comes Around: As much damage as you do will be done to you. I had my fair share of dumping and being dumped, which I think is only right. It gives the world balance. But never forget that the choices you make will make an impact on the world. The world has a way of correcting things and if you want them to correct in a good way, be careful how you treat others. Hints: Do not key your ex-boyfriend’s car, or egg his house, or talk bad about him, etc. It will bite you back.

The boy who dumped me started dating the girl he was dancing with. They dated for a record 6 months and she dumped him like a sack of potatoes at the next church dance. He was so sad he sat on the floor and cried for an hour. It was awful. But it felt like Karma.

Making a Box Garden

My father is a huge fan of Mel Bartholomew’s Square Foot Gardening book. He built a couple in his incredibly HUGE backyard last year and loved it. My yard is not incredibly huge – it’s the opposite. I’m not even sure it is a backyard because it’s sort of just off to the side of the house. Too small for the prior residents to even consider bothering with.

But our side yard has turned out to be a great place to grow a box garden. Square foot gardens are perfect because they can be made to fit any size. Our area is small, but with box gardens, you can maximize food growth in a small space. Making a box garden is easy, as long as you are somewhat handy. I’m not handy at all, but my husband is, so it worked out.

We got the big thick 10′ long wood planks from my father-in-law, so that made it cheap. We sawed one of those in half for the sides and then just bought a wood plank for the back. Then my husband screwed the the bracket screw thingies (not sure what they’re called) in to lock them together.

According to Mel the soil should be a mix of is 1/3 Peat Moss, 1/3 Compost and 1/3 Vermiculite. The Vermiculite is expensive; so is the Peat Moss when you’re buying as much cubit feet as I was. The only thing you can make on your own is compost and that’s cheap to buy anyway! I’m hoping the soil will last me a few years.

Then I went shopping! That was the fun part. I bought tomato plants, zucchini, peppers, thyme, basil, cucumbers, corn, lettuce, green beans, and chives. It was so exciting! I don’t have high hopes for my corn – I heard that’s hard to grow, but I couldn’t resist. And I probably should have read which plants should be grouped together based on water and sun needs, but I’m more of a DO then THINK kind of person. I just got really excited to plant.

I used old blinds for my name tags. They were stashed in the basement so I just cut up a bunch and wrote on them with a Sharpie. I’m so obsessed with my new garden. I just keep going outside to stare at it. And last night I used chives from my garden in my smashed potato bar! Other than that, I’m not sure what to do with chives.

What are some good recipes that call for chives?

Commercials That Are So Bad They’re Good

Despite being in advertising, I feel like any consumer. When I’m not in the market for something I tune out most commercials. Most times it takes an advertiser hitting the right window of opportunity for me to even pay attention to their ads, let alone buy their product. But I’m a HUGE sucker for bad commercials.

I love bad commercials. Bad as in low-budget, low-quality, poorly produced ones that aren’t funny or witty. I think they’re enormously effective.

Check this one out. It’s my favorite to date. Imagine half-watching TV and half working on your laptop and – in the midst of commercials by corporate giants like Wal-Mart & Bud Light, you see this little goody:

I stared, dumbfounded throughout the entire commercial. And then I pressed rewind on my DVR so I could see it again. I found my husband and showed him. We were speechless. The sound quality, lighting, and acting are so low-budget I can imagine this was filmed in front of a homemade screen by a hand-held recorder at someone’s house. And yet it’s incredible because it’s so noticeable. I love it. My husband has a huge crush on her.

The next example is actually a series of bad commercials by PC Laptops. The owner, Dan, is known to most people in the advertising world of SLC. When I’ve seen him he’s been nice, friendly, and quiet – which is surprising considering his commercials. And has a huge following. PC Laptops has a great brand, and they advertise like crazy But his commercials are terrible. Bad acting and bad scripts that don’t even make sense. And yet, to prove my point, they are so noticeable.

Check out their series of TV commercials that start with “Buying a laptop anywhere else is just as dumb as doing something like this.” They have the Caveman one, the Dance Critics, Worlds Collide - they are all equally bad and nonsensical. Oh they slay me! But no matter how bad they are they are so good because A) you notice them, B) they build the brand and slogan and C) they don’t make any sense so you try to think about them and make them make sense. (E.g. is it dumb to dance or dumb to laser someone . . . nothing is really clear)

The latest series by E-Trade has the low-budget, 80’s style, Look Who’s Talking thing that makes them really noticeable. My husband loves these commercials. It has that home-movies tangibility factor that makes it really eye-catching and endearing. Plus they’re hilarious, so I guess they’re not bad per se…just low-budget.

Ah advertising. How I love thee.

Small Guns are OK Too

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m becoming a huge fan of guns. We’re “shopping” right now to see what kind we like best. My husband’s friend has like 50 guns that we got to try out this weekend. If it sounds like I’m grinning while writing this, I totally am. I loved it. Not in an I want to be an assasin like Angelina Jolie kind of way wisted, or even in a cool, Daniel Craig rocks as James Bond kind of way. But really in an I want to know how to and be able to protect myself and my family kind of way.

First, our gun friend gave us lots of lessons on gun safety, how to hold them and treat them, etc. He’s like the best teacher ever. And then we started shooting our homemade targets.

My Pattern

I said I wanted a big gun. And I did end up liking me some rifle action. But I found a nice 9 mm that really felt good. My pattern wasn’t too shabby for my first time – just think about how good I can be with practice!

This rifle was fantastic. I made a great pattern and it didn’t have the kickback that I was expecting. It was such a beautiful rifle.

This is my gorgeous husband. He looked so hot shooting the big gun I couldn’t resist posting it. I know I’m freaking out half of my friends posting this. I used to be absolutely 100% against owning guns. But things change. It goes without saying that you have to be over-responsible about guns if you own them or keep them in your home. But the right to bear arms is one that I absolutely support.

How You Deal With Being Laid Off

Both of the times I’ve been laid off, it was a relief. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until it happened. The first time I was a Managing Editor for the Substitute Teaching Institute at USU. I was a full-time student working part time as a proofreader and the guy I helped out started handing everything over to me while he worked on his doctorate. The boss man caught on and let my boss go and told me to do his job since I was doing it anyway.

I loved it at first. I started publishing like crazy and it was exciting. I would get letters in the mail referring to me as Dr. and with a PhD next to my name. I should have saved those. But the pressure got to me. I was exhausted, I hated going into work, I hated my boss and his unwillingness to show appreciation for all his loyal employees, and I hated writing grant proposals.

And then I got laid off. It was thinly veiled under “we’re merging departments” but I knew it was because my boss didn’t like me either. I think I cried for about 10 minutes. And then felt total peace. Being laid off was the best thing that happened to me. I had time to do an internship for my senior year, I got to work at a fun job, and actually have a social life.

The second time around was just this past December when the dealership group I worked for, Legacy Auto Group, went under. This time I was really sad, but mostly for the loss of the whole place. I really respected the people I worked with and for and it’s hard to see an entire company disolve. But this too was a blessing. I now work from home doing marketing, PR, copy writing and advertising and get to be home with my son.

Being on the receiving end, I’ve always been able to see the silver lining of a job loss. But my husband was just laid off last Thursday (part of company cutbacks, etc.) and I’ll admit it took a little longer than 10 minutes to feel good about this one. The only thing worse than getting laid off is watching your lover and best friend get laid off. You feel helpless and unsure what to say or how to be useful to them. I immediately started giving him advice and tried to get a plan going.

But I’m learning that jumping into something right away might not be the best idea. Penelope Trunk’s blog is one of my favorites. She gives advice to 20-somethings about looking for a job, finding a career, etc. I take some of her posts with a grain of salt, but there is a lot of good information in there. She suggests recharging before jumping into another job, spending time thinking about what you love and what you can get paid for, and gives advice on what steps to take to figure out what to do next. My favorite post is about beating the system to find a job.

Reading these posts has helped me feel less anxious about it all. I think my husband needs to take time to figure out what it is he wants to do next without me constantly nagging him, notebook in hand, to brainstorm with me. And I am really grateful about a lot of things about him not working anymore:

1. He doesn’t have to commute an hour each way to work anymore
2. He’s around to help out with our kiddo and all the home improvement to-do lists that have been collecting dust
3. I get more time with him and he can help me out with my White Rabbit clients – he’s an excellent graphic designer, writer and social media-ite.

In the meantime, White Rabbit Advertising is doing great – all clients are happy and having success. So we’ll just see how things go. I’m hoping he’ll decide to learn programming and web design so he can help me with that end of my business.  I guess we’ll see!

Making Homemade Bagels

I hate to admit it, but my husband isn’t too keen on my homemade honey-wheat bread. It actually really makes me sad. He doesn’t like that he has to cut it, or that when he does it slightly crumbs up! Having grown up on the stuff, I am used to it and love it (athough I must confess my last batch didn’t turn out as great as usual).

But I love my high-maintenance husband (who also refused to eat my home-made flan last night, c’mon it’s Cinco de Mayo!) so I decided to make bagels instead of bread today. He loves bagels. I never buy them because I think they’re a waste of calories. But he found this great recipe that didn’t sound too hard, so I made them today!

I added Flax to it (as I do with all my bread) for those Omega 3’s and substituted 1/2 cup of wheat gluten for some of the flour since I didn’t use bread flour. And then I topped some with salt, others with sesame seeds, and two with cinnamon and sugar.

Next batch I’m going to double the recipe and add half wheat flour. And I think it would be fun to top some with cheese too, like those Asiago cheese bagels. Einstein’s Bagels – you’ve met your match! And these are 15 cents a piece to make according to Slate. And super tasty.

Working From Home: How to Make it Work

Be Upfront About it: I’ve noticed it kind of makes people uncomfortable to know you’re working from home. Maybe they start picturing you in your pajamas or something. But I think it’s one of those things that you either hide shamefully or decide to be proud of (like breastfeeding, for example). I’ve decided that it’s better to be up front about it, especially so the people you talk to aren’t blindsided when they hear your toddler is talking (or yelling) in the background. I find that women, much more so than men, are more accepting of the situation. But in general I think people are awakening to the new wave of men and women who have home offices. But occasionally there are types who seem irritated at my background noise. Maybe they’re just jealous of my good luck.

Make Rules for Yourself: It’s vital for your sanity as a working mom to make stipulations about when you’ll look at emails, accept phone calls, work full force, etc. I work at lightening speed when my toddler is asleep. And luckily he still sleeps 12 hours at night and takes 2 naps during the day. Bless you, Baby Wise. So I get a lot done at night when he’s down as well. But not everything goes according to plan, so you just have to be ready. Working moms just have to be uber efficient – end of story. I also encourage my reps and partners to email me most correspondence. I find that email is far more efficient than phone calls. And then you have everthing in print – which is great for back-up. So I take emails on the road when we’re at the park, library, zoo, aquarium, etc. and then set up conference calls in advance so that I have a babysitter during that time, or do it when he’s sleeping.

Schedule, schedule, schedule: I try to schedule my recurring client meetings for the same date and time every week. This way you know what to expect and can plan for it. I have an awesome babysitter who comes every Monday for 5 hours and watches my toddler while I have my meetings, and occasionally if there’s time I go grocery shopping or hit the gym. It’s so nice to have a few hours to get things done, especially when your kid hits the crazy, wild, funny, but hard-to-take-to-the-store stage that mine is in.

Have Help on Hand for Emergencies: Things rarely go as planned in this world, and that’s no different for the working world. For any emergency meetings, events, etc that you have to make outside your regularly scheduled meetings, working moms have to have help on hand. Family is a great option, but not everybody as family around. Best advice: MAKE FRIENDS. I have awesome friends who have bailed me out time after time if I need them just to come over for fifteen minutes, or watch my son for an hour or two so I can make a meeting. To be competetive with people who don’t work from home with kids, you have to be flexible. I can’t just tell my clients “no” all the time. You have to be willing to make things work. Another idea is swapping: watching your friends kid for a day and then swapping another day. That way you don’t use up all your favors   Don’t have any friends? Join local mothering groups, support groups, church groups, book clubs, gardening clubs, etc. AND MAKE THEM.