Don’t Stop Believing. Hold onto that Feeling

I have Journey in my head. I don’t even like Journey but my friend made me an awesome CD to brighten my spirits a few weeks ago and I can’t stop listening to the first song on it. It’s the Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believing.” Fantastic.

I don’t know why, but the thought keeps coming to me that I never blog about anything religious or spiritual. And I keep wondering why I don’t bring it up. I don’t know if it’s because this blog started out as mostly as an outlet of a working-and-stay-at-home-mom, and thus my posts are typically about work or mommyhood or what. Maybe it’s because I respect what other people believe and don’t like to push my beliefs on anyone else, or make anyone uncomfortable. Or maybe I’m just uncomfortable putting this big, huge, important part of me out there for speculation.

I’m not sure what it is, but today I re-watched Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s General Conference address about the Book of Mormon and it did something to me today. It made me think about the importance of sharing your beliefs without fear. There’s so much on blogs these days – and Facebook – and TV – and the internet – and everywhere else that speak so loudly and so brashly against the things of God and the things that I believe in. The things of God are quieter, softer, and more peaceful  – and thus harder to get if you’re not listening. Sometimes I think we have to be more vocal and more clear than we usually are if we’re going to counteract the things that seek to destroy the things of God.  Just so it’s clear – I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A Mormon. And I know God lives. I know Jesus is the Christ and Savior of all mankind and it is only through him that we can be saved. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God who restored The Church in its fullness. And I know the Book of Mormon to be a true and living testament of Jesus Christ. And if you’re not LDS and ever have questions about The Church, I’d love to help answer them.

I love Holland’s address at General Conference – it is so powerful. Today it helped me remember what I already know.

and part 2:

My Anti-Plastic Movement

The other day I was in the grocery store in Lehi (which I will now term Barbieville) and saw this woman that disturbed me for days. She was pretty, blonde, and wore the tightest jean shorts you’ll ever see with fake bling on the butt. This woman was at least in her mid 40’s, and she was wearing jean shorts with bling on the butt. My eyes traveled up to the side of her face but I only got so far as her chest. She was wearing what can only be described as a Hannah Montana shirt (but I’m sure it was something far worse) that probably fit her 13 year old. Except this mom did not have a 13 year old chest. Her shirt was stretched to the max over her huge plastic-enhanced rack.

It got me to thinking – why are we all in such a race to look like teeny boppers? Why can’t we dress our age? Then again, I did wear short pig tails in my hair this week when I went camping . .  . but really, there is nothing else to do with hair this short. But anyway, why can’t we let ourselves age? And why are we all so disatisfied with ourselves?

I think plastic surgery is nasty. Disgusting, gross, nasty. I hope you’re not offended by my frankness, but c’est vrais. Plastic, lipo, botox, lifts, and fillers really freak me out. Like I have nightmares after watching Mary Murphy on So You Think You Can Dance. I think skin should move when you smile. Foreheads should crease when you’re surprised. And not everybody should look like a Barbie doll. I don’t understand why small boobs are not ok. I have had both – being pregnant and then after breast-feeding I have experienced the whole gamut of bra sizes. Why is everyon in such a rush to change the way they are?  Sure, we can all go out and blame the media. The media made me do it. But is it really their fault? Or do they just promote what we’re already obsessed with ourselves.

Several years ago I worked at the cutest, chicest restaurant ever in Bronxville, NY call Underhills Crossing. Bronxville is a really rich, beautiful village and I loved almost everything about it. But I got really good and noticing and identifying plastic surgery there – nearly every guest had had something done. Lips, cheeks, eyes, nose. Sometimes it was subtle, sometimes glaring. But it bothers me so much I can hardly do it justic. Why are people messing with themselves!?

Having said that, I am sure there are so many people who can give for instances where plastic surgery saved their self-esteem or was really necessary. And I’m grateful for plastic surgeons who sewed my husband’s face back on after his car crash 6 years ago. But for cosmetic purposes – the act of changing your face or your body really bothers me.

So I’m being vocal about it. Hopefully this won’t come back to bite me like when I ripped on Wal-Mart and then found myself shopping there a couple years later. I think we should take pride in our bodies the way God made them. I think we can make improvements through eating healthy and exercising (something I really need to start up again), instead of through a knife and a syringe. And I think we need to stop looking at our bodies with such a critical eye. Happiness comes from within – not from an injection.

Making a Box Garden

My father is a huge fan of Mel Bartholomew’s Square Foot Gardening book. He built a couple in his incredibly HUGE backyard last year and loved it. My yard is not incredibly huge – it’s the opposite. I’m not even sure it is a backyard because it’s sort of just off to the side of the house. Too small for the prior residents to even consider bothering with.

But our side yard has turned out to be a great place to grow a box garden. Square foot gardens are perfect because they can be made to fit any size. Our area is small, but with box gardens, you can maximize food growth in a small space. Making a box garden is easy, as long as you are somewhat handy. I’m not handy at all, but my husband is, so it worked out.

We got the big thick 10′ long wood planks from my father-in-law, so that made it cheap. We sawed one of those in half for the sides and then just bought a wood plank for the back. Then my husband screwed the the bracket screw thingies (not sure what they’re called) in to lock them together.

According to Mel the soil should be a mix of is 1/3 Peat Moss, 1/3 Compost and 1/3 Vermiculite. The Vermiculite is expensive; so is the Peat Moss when you’re buying as much cubit feet as I was. The only thing you can make on your own is compost and that’s cheap to buy anyway! I’m hoping the soil will last me a few years.

Then I went shopping! That was the fun part. I bought tomato plants, zucchini, peppers, thyme, basil, cucumbers, corn, lettuce, green beans, and chives. It was so exciting! I don’t have high hopes for my corn – I heard that’s hard to grow, but I couldn’t resist. And I probably should have read which plants should be grouped together based on water and sun needs, but I’m more of a DO then THINK kind of person. I just got really excited to plant.

I used old blinds for my name tags. They were stashed in the basement so I just cut up a bunch and wrote on them with a Sharpie. I’m so obsessed with my new garden. I just keep going outside to stare at it. And last night I used chives from my garden in my smashed potato bar! Other than that, I’m not sure what to do with chives.

What are some good recipes that call for chives?

Working From Home: How to Make it Work

Be Upfront About it: I’ve noticed it kind of makes people uncomfortable to know you’re working from home. Maybe they start picturing you in your pajamas or something. But I think it’s one of those things that you either hide shamefully or decide to be proud of (like breastfeeding, for example). I’ve decided that it’s better to be up front about it, especially so the people you talk to aren’t blindsided when they hear your toddler is talking (or yelling) in the background. I find that women, much more so than men, are more accepting of the situation. But in general I think people are awakening to the new wave of men and women who have home offices. But occasionally there are types who seem irritated at my background noise. Maybe they’re just jealous of my good luck.

Make Rules for Yourself: It’s vital for your sanity as a working mom to make stipulations about when you’ll look at emails, accept phone calls, work full force, etc. I work at lightening speed when my toddler is asleep. And luckily he still sleeps 12 hours at night and takes 2 naps during the day. Bless you, Baby Wise. So I get a lot done at night when he’s down as well. But not everything goes according to plan, so you just have to be ready. Working moms just have to be uber efficient – end of story. I also encourage my reps and partners to email me most correspondence. I find that email is far more efficient than phone calls. And then you have everthing in print – which is great for back-up. So I take emails on the road when we’re at the park, library, zoo, aquarium, etc. and then set up conference calls in advance so that I have a babysitter during that time, or do it when he’s sleeping.

Schedule, schedule, schedule: I try to schedule my recurring client meetings for the same date and time every week. This way you know what to expect and can plan for it. I have an awesome babysitter who comes every Monday for 5 hours and watches my toddler while I have my meetings, and occasionally if there’s time I go grocery shopping or hit the gym. It’s so nice to have a few hours to get things done, especially when your kid hits the crazy, wild, funny, but hard-to-take-to-the-store stage that mine is in.

Have Help on Hand for Emergencies: Things rarely go as planned in this world, and that’s no different for the working world. For any emergency meetings, events, etc that you have to make outside your regularly scheduled meetings, working moms have to have help on hand. Family is a great option, but not everybody as family around. Best advice: MAKE FRIENDS. I have awesome friends who have bailed me out time after time if I need them just to come over for fifteen minutes, or watch my son for an hour or two so I can make a meeting. To be competetive with people who don’t work from home with kids, you have to be flexible. I can’t just tell my clients “no” all the time. You have to be willing to make things work. Another idea is swapping: watching your friends kid for a day and then swapping another day. That way you don’t use up all your favors   Don’t have any friends? Join local mothering groups, support groups, church groups, book clubs, gardening clubs, etc. AND MAKE THEM.

When is Fat OK?

My favorite TV shows are all on the Food Network channel. I haven’t found a show that I don’t like. 30 Minute Meals, Everyday Italian, Food Finds, Ultimate Recipe Showdown, Chopped, Home Cookin’ with Paula Dean, Good Eats . . . I’ll stop for brevity’s sake.

I don’t know what it is about food, but I love eating it, watching it, making it and looking at other people do all the above. I love how matter of fact many chefs are about fats. When making a dish, they say that they need to add some fat to round out the flavors, etc.

We Generation Xers were raised with the low-fat mentality. It’s hard to break out of that for me. My eyes immediately go for the fat content on packages, rather than calories, fiber, sugars, proteins, etc. I’m totally leery of fat in products. And yet in the things I make from scratch, I understand that it takes all different kinds of ingredients – including fats – to make a good dish. I think that’s another reason for my obsession with home-made.

But here’s some cool information about fats. My husband posted an article on his company’s website about getting fat to get fit. The original article touts the benefits of animal fats (pork lard, lamb fat, etc.) vs vegetable fats. She postulates that we’ve been brainwashed in thinking veggie fats are better for us than animal fats. Check this out:

So how exactly is cooking with animal fat better for us?

Unlike vegetable oils, animal fats are very stable and don’t turn rancid easily. This makes them ideal for cooking, which involves heating the fat. And they have no trans fats.

It is much easier to roast a bird or a joint of meat if it has a good quantity of fat. The fat guarantees taste and succulence. Without it, the meat will be dry and tasteless.

Animal fats have lots of good fatty acids that fight disease, help absorb vitamins and lower cholesterol. Your body burns the short-chained fatty acids found in animal fats and stores the long-chained ones found in polyunsaturated fat. It is a myth that eating animal fat makes you fat.

Animal fat also has a good ratio of essential fatty acids. Many of us have a skewed ratio thanks to too much vegetable oil. When this ratio is out of balance, it results in illness and depression.

I love it! I totally think that if we ate like the Amish or the pioneers we’d all be healthier and thinner. I also liked her push for sitting down for regular meals instead of snacking all day long. We’re so afraid of fat and real foods that we gorge out on other things that are terrible for us.

I just have one question: Where can I buy some lard?

The Pool of Tears

Chapter two of Alice in Wonderland is all about growing pains and consequences. It reminds me of the awkward stage of childhood and when you’re too big to be little but too little to be big.

“Curiouser and curiouser!” cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English). “Now I’m opening out like the largest telescope that ever was! Goodbye feet!”

Growing up can be so confusing. You’re expected to act your age, but the rules are always changing. Adults tell you you’re too old to do many of the things you like doing and then they tell you you’re too young to do what you’d like to try doing.

“Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night? . . . Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle!” And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of them.

I remember babysitting once when I was 12 and I remember thinking I was all grown up, but I still wanted to play with the kids I was babysitting. We were playing a game and I had to keep fighting the impulse to get upset that one of the kids was cheating. I wanted to tattle on him! But there was no one to tattle to – I was the “adult” in the situation. But I felt the feelings of a “child.” And it was a very confusing moment when I realized I didn’t quite belong to either category.

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could do, lying down on one side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever she sat down and began to cry again.

Crying was one of the weirdest emotions I remember trying to resist all my life. It seems like when you’re little, you can cry as much as you want and there’s always someone there to comfort you. But as you get older, crying becomes shameful. Something only babies do. So it becomes something you feel stupid for doing. But something that often seems out of your control, especially if you’re a girl.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said Alice. “a great girl like you,” (she might well say this), “to go on crying this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!” But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall.

Growing up with 4 older brothers, crying was something I did a lot, but also something I tried to do privately so I wouldn’t get harassed even more. But sometimes public crying can’t be helped. I’ve cried in speeches to a congregation, in front of a group voice class because I was scared, in front of my boss, in work meetings, oh it’s the worst! Those damn tears, they just sneak up on you and you can’t stop!

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. “I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!

And such is life.

Temp-ing: Why There’s No Shame in It

I did the advertising for a staffing agency when I worked my first job out of college. It never sounds glorious when you have to resort to finding placement through a staffing company; but actually, it can be a really great thing. After I left this first “real” job, I moved to Dallas, Texas to be closer to family and to dip my fingers in the big waters of advertising. Unfortunately the ad industry snagged a bit during that time (2003) and what had once been an abundant reservoir turned into a small stream. Plus, Dallas has big advertising firms where I found out that I”d have to be pigeon-holed into just one area, where before, at a small firm, I was used to be involved in every department.  I really struggled in Dallas trying to find my niche. So I went to a staffing agency to see if I could pass the time (since I love to work) until got back into my career with  something else I would like.

I went to a temp agency and got placed with a flooring company called Masters Flooring. I loved it! I didn’t know anything about granite, marble, traverine, plank flooring, strip flooring, etc. but I learned all about it. I helped streamline some of their processes, got to play solitaire or read when it was slow and designed and redesigned my dream home a billion different ways.

I left Texas to move to New York for a few months while I was waiting to hear back from graduate school (which didn’t happen btw). There, I babysat, worked at a beautiful, high end restaurant in Bronxville village called Underhills Crossing, and temped again at a village building in Ossining, New York. And for those of you who don’t know, that’s where Sing Sing is. Yes, the notorious maximum security prison. I worked with really nice ladies whose thick New York accents are permanently embedded into my head. I learned that parking tickets never go away. And that city building workers get a lot of free dessert to make up the lack in pay.

None of these jobs look that great on a resume. But I think life lessons are more important than having an impressive Vitae. I won’t go into detail just now but the personal growth I experienced during my time in Texas and New York was immense. And I appreciate staff agencies for helping me find this work. Some people say you should hold out for the perfect job. I say the perfect job can be any job you allow yourself to enjoy.

The Working Gal’s Guide to Shopping Online

I spent the last 2 years working full time, commuting nearly an hour each way,  having and raising a baby and still trying to put a made-from-scratch dinner on the table each night. Needless to say, I didn’t have a lot of time for anything outside this list. Especially shopping at my favorite stores.  So I became quite adept at shopping online.

Pros to shopping online:

• You can do it when you have time – online stores are always open.
• No annoying sales people. I’m sort of anti-social when I shop. I don’t want to make “friends” with a commission-based sales person even if they do lie and tell me “those pants look great on your @$$.”
• More selection. With online shopping you’re not limited by one location’s lack of inventory.
• No commute. I love this feature. I’d rather pay for shipping than fight traffic myself.

Tricks of the trade:

• Have a tape measure handy. Each online retail outlet has a different sizing chart. And most are accurate for their products, so measure yourself before blindly selecting size 4. (Another perk to shopping online – nobody but you knows what size you’re buying).
• Don’t get lured by the new arrivals. One of the best features of shopping online with the sale rack. Online websites have these under Sale and Clearance. You can get fantastic deals one items that were hot only a month ago and pay 40% less than everybody else did back then. Items like winter items go on clearance in the middle of winter – not at the end, so you’ll still have plenty of time to use them.
• Use Promotional Codes. Every shopping website has a place for promotional codes. Before I became internet shopping savvy, I passed by them. Now I take advantage of them every time. You can get promotional codes from the magazine or emails your favorite shopping websites send you. OR there’s a fantastic website I use for everything I buy online. It’s called Retail Me Not and it provides a one-stop shop for promotional codes for a zillion different websites. This is a must use when shopping online.
• Buy from retailers who have local stores when possible. Not only is it good to shop local, but if something doesn’t fit, you can return it and exchange the item for more money since you used a promotional code and saved so much when you bought it online!
• Return Without Regret. Use websites that make it as easy as possible to return items without paying shipping again.  See below for retailers that provide free return shipping labels.

Great shopping sites for working professionals

• SmartBargains.com Pros: This has got to be my favorite online retailer. Smart Bargains offers designer clothing for someone on a budget. Plus they have this great email feature that emails you personalized deals based on your spending habits (be forewarned they will email you a lot). Another great feature is the Smart Shoppers Club. Basically you join for $7.95 and you get $2.95 shipping on every order. It’s fantastic. It’s worth joining even if you only order from there twice. I love the cheap shipping and they provide return labels so you don’t have to pay shipping twice. Cons: No exchanges
• Victoria’s Secret Pros: VS isn’t just a great underwear retailer. Victoria’s Secret has high quality professional clothes too. I especially like their sweaters, shirts and dresses. You usually have to order quite a bit to get promotional codes. They also provide return labels and make returning very simple.  Cons: The clothes run a bit small, so overestimate your size.  Pants tend on the shorter side. Shipping is on the expensive end (unless you’re using promo codes!)
• Ann Taylor Loft Pros: I really appreciate Ann Taylor’s focus on Petite sizes. I’m 5′8″ so I’m not petite but I appreciate their focus on small people because I can imagine it’s hard to find clothes that fit when you’re short. Anyway, they have long and regular too, so don’t worry. Anny Taylor Loft is a great website for the working gal – their slacks fit great, they have nice sweaters and shirts and they are consistent in their sizing charts. They also feature easy returns. Cons: Sometimes everything looks the same and their selection gets a little monotonous.

I’ll continue this topic as time goes on. But this will help get anyone started who is trying to increase her professional wardrobe on a budget.

Teaching our Children About Money: How to Avoid our Generation’s Financial Mistakes

There’s a really great article on how to get a better credit score that got me wondering why too many of my peers are so bad with money and others aren’t. There seem to be a lot of factors to this, but here’s who I blame:

1. Education System. I think they’re better now, but when I was in school we NEVER had lessons or classes on personal finance. My generation got out of high school and were immediately lured by shiny plastic cards and the free T-shirt we got by signing up.
2. Shiny Plastic Card Companies. Their marketing was totally geared towards enticing people to buy what they couldn’t afford with cards they shouldn’t have been approved to have.
3. Stupid Parents. Parents in my generation (except for mine because they were of the “If I didn’t have it as a kid in in the Great Depression, you don’t need it” mentality) are so stupid! They want to give their kids everything because they worked so hard to get it. So their kids (my peers) are spoiled, reckless, presumptuous and impatient.
4. Banks. See #2. Same reasoning. They loaned out way too much to people who thought that’s what they could afford because a big, bad bank told them so.  Such a travesty.

Anyway, but If you can’t buy it with cash, you shouldn’t buy it at all. Credit cards are fantastic and can offer a lot of perks. But only if you can pay off your balances in full every month. I never put anything on a card that I couldn’t pay for in cash. That way, at the end of every month I’m not scrambling to cover it or revolving huge balances and racking up debt with high interest rates.

I think we all need to think hard about how we’re going to teach our kids to respect money and respect credit. No 18 year old deserves a credit card just because they’re 18. They need to have shown they can handle money responsibly in the past. Financial responsibility can start as early as preschool.

Maybe it’s my obsession with work, but I think we need to raise our children that money is earned, not given, with hard work. Giving kids an allowance for doing chores is a great way to teach them to pair money with work. I think that’s why I love money so much – and why I love work so much. Both have such big rewards.

VFX Rep With the Social Conscience of a Jellyfish

Get this: I work from home running White Rabbit Advertising LLC, right? That way I can spend more time with my 14 month old son, but still work, which, I love (and thus bring in half the income, stay sane, converse with successful adults, feel self-satisfied, etc.)

So this rep from the station KVFX – which is a pretty hot station if you freaking live in LOGAN, which I don’t – calls me and pitches me on a marketing “opportunity” for Volkswagen SouthTowne. If I sound bitter, it’s because I am. I’ll get to that I promise.

So he (I wish I could remember his name – he obviously made an impression) proposes that VW SouthTowne advertise with VFX because they’re the hottest thing in town (um their frequency is super weak in SLC Metro mind you and they are DEAD LAST on Arbitron radio rankers. Anyway, so he pitches the idea that we loan them a car and have it go around to all the hottest clubs where they are from 10 AM – 3 PM. And that the VW SouthTowen sales reps can be there and talk to people about the dealership.

Aside from the ridiculous notion that anybody in the club scene would care to make time for a car sales person while they’re out doing their thing, and aside from the fact that this station is virtually non-existent in Salt Lake City, it’s not totally out of whack for a dealership to do this kind of trade.

In my head I was thinking: We could have the car wrapped and get some dealership branding presence if it wouldn’t be too much money. So I told the VFX rep to email me the details and I would go over it with the General Manager the following week. That’s where I thought the conversation ended….but I was wrong.

This VFX rep calls up the General Manager of the dealership and says: “I need to work directly with you. I don’t know who Amber at White Rabbit Advertising thinks she is, but she didn’t even listen to what I was proposing. She cut me off and didn’t even seem interested. And it doesn’t seem very professional for her to have a kid in the background while she’s talking on the phone with me.”

This is the part where my head explodes.

This is the part where the women’s lib movement didn’t take us working moms far enough.

This is the part where I am reminded why I am a feminist.

The GM of VW SouthTowne, bless his fantastic heart told the VFX rep to shove it. I think his exact words were “This conversation is over. Click”

4 tips for sales reps:

1. Don’t insult your media buyer.
2. Don’t insult the intelligence of your client who hired the media buyer or marketing consultant.
3. Pull your head out of your sphincter before you speak.
4. Have some respect for women who are trying to juggle more things in one day than you have to juggle in a month.