I am completely jealous of all the viral tools at the disposal of single people right now. Where was Facebook when I was single? When I was in college (and, yes, sadly I am aging myself) none of us even had cell phones until senior year. We thought we were so lucky. It was so much easier to date when you could actually get a hold of the person were wanted to talk to instead of having to talk to a (gasp) parent or roommate first who undoubtedly would not pass along the message.
Of course now all the dating is done through text messages and viral communities, which is even better for spineless, sweaty-palmed boys who can’t form complete sentences or have a real conversation anyway!
But still. These online tools would have been fantastic aids in the complex maze of my college and post-college dating years. Here’s what I love about Facebook:
- Posting staged, “look how hot I am pursing my lips for the camera” photos is socially acceptable. I love how you can upload a bazillion pictures without being called conceited. I could have walked around campus in sweats (or what everyone else was wearing, scrubs) and rested on the laurels of my hot Facebook photos to carry me socially.
- Making your move can be done without totally putting yourself out there. I would have loved Facebook for this reason when I was single. You can be Facebook friends, instant message, write on each other’s walls or send an email – ALL without being too forward. It’s (strangely) socially acceptable to talk to people you would NEVER call on the phone through Facebook because it’s so non-intrusive. Man. I would have gotten so many more dates.
- Facebook rejection is nothing like real-life rejection. When someone ignores your friend request, or when you ignore theirs, it doesn’t hurt like it does when someone walks away from you at the bar. You can just tell yourself they didn’t really see it, or didn’t recognize me, or were too busy. It doesn’t take much convincing to come up with a valid reason. That’s the great thing about Facebook – so much is left unsaid and undisclosed so you can make up your own justifications for everything.
- Being passive-aggressive is totally acceptable. It’s not ok to walk around with a sign on your chest saying “Amber is sad today” or “Amber wishes she wouldn’t have said that” but on Facebook it’s more than ok. If you’re feeling like you just need a little attention, you can just change your status and get people to fawn all over you.
- Spreading the word about parties, clam-bakes, socials, etc. would have been so much easier if I had Facebook back then. Calling a hundred people and inviting them to a party took weeks and weeks. Oh wait, I never had the fortitude for that. But now, you can invite every person you’ve ever met with a simple click through Facebook.
Luckily I landed a hot man who had the nerve to ask me out without the aid of Facebook. Oh wait, he didn’t have the nerve to ask me out. He waited until both of his roommates got my number and finally asked one of them for it weeks later. But he did call – so let’s give him some credit. And he wasn’t daunted by me saying no the first time. What a man!