Friends Who are Not Friends on Facebook

Do you think it’s weird that on Facebook you have so many “friends” who you actually wouldn’t call friends? I mean people who were barely acquaintances back in College or High School, or even Junior High are requesting you to be their Facebook friends. People you barely spoke to once want to add you to their list. Why? Do they want to stalk you? Do they feel better when they have more “friends” than their friends?

This unsettles me. But what really confuses me when people who actually didn’t like me want to add me to their friends list. Like this girl, who I have never spoken to since High School, has requested me twice and I’ve ignored her. It sounds rude, but here’s the backstory:

In High School I was dating her older brother (who will remain nameless) and she did everything she could to tarnish my reputation. I didn’t even have a reputation in high school. I was pretty ignominious. But she spread rumors, talked trash, made her mother (and thus the guy’s mother) hate me. . . . it was so retarded. She was a mean girl. So now she wants to be my Facebook friend. Why? Did she forget that she hated me?

I didn’t forget. And I don’t hate her – but because I haven’t spoke to her since High School, she really hasn’t progressed in my mind. I still see her as the insecure, little sister who wanted me to suffer. Am I unforgiving?

Next there is a girl who requested to be my friend and was actually my bully in 9th and 10th grade. Can you believe it? Yes, I had a bully. And I was really scared of her. She was more popular than I was, a little squat, but I’d heard she packed a powerful punch. I was a skinny nobody but for some reason she picked me out of the crowd to be the lucky recipient of her wrath. She would hiss at me, glare at me, threaten me, laugh at me, talk about me, yell insults at me, bump into me rudely. And this lasted my entire 9th grade year.

I prayed and prayed that she would stop. I never told my family and I tried to keep it from my friends. It didn’t stop in High School. She actually pushed me in the halls. I don’t know why I was afraid of her. It’s weird thinking about it now. Now I would have just punched her. Or told the principal. Or something. But then, it scared the $#@% out of me. She made me weak, nervous and frightened everytime I passed her in the halls. And she tried to diss me to a guy that was taking me out.

The whole thing finally ended when a really popular girl told her that she liked me. She stopped bullying me. But unfortunately she moved onto someone else.

Fast-forward 8 years. I see my bully in church. Just sitting there, with curly hair and a pretty skirt on. She looks sweet. Something I’d never expect. She’s actually really nice and wants friends. So I smile at her, to tell her I’ve forgiven her. And now she’s my friend on Facebook.

But I’ll never really trust her. Should I?


4 thoughts on “Friends Who are Not Friends on Facebook

  1. Amber, I just read an article in Time about this a couple weeks ago that you would love. Basically the author said something I totally relate to – that some friendships (like highschool friends) are meant to be left behind. Yet with Facebook, ALL the people end up staring us in the face.

    I couldn’t agree more with you and this author. That’s why I have a love/hate relationship with it. I don’t want to be friends with these people anymore, yet, I feel so guilty when I don’t answer their friend requests, that I end up adding them a couple days/weeks later because it eats at me. And then I regret it. So I delete them later. Then feel guilty about that. Haha.

    Anyway, I don’t have any hard feelings against anyone at this point, but I’d still rather not have them see my feeds and know what I’m doing, and I don’t want to see theirs or know what they are doing. I’d rather just have my memory get old and forget people.

  2. I totally use the privacy options to accept friends but then restrict it so they see little to nothing. We’re Facebook friends in name only.

    Oh, and possibly one reason why someone wants to be your friend even if they weren’t was because they want to apologize for their wrongdoings. I did it. Well, I actually didn’t request her friendship but I did send an apology that was well-deserved and I was grateful Facebook allowed me to do it. So, I guess my point is – don’t feel guilty not accepting, if the one reason why she wants to be your friend is to apologize for her wrong-doings she can still just send you a message without being your Facebook friend.

  3. Maybe these meanies are hoping you’ll sponsor them for membership into an exclusive volunteer club?

    Facebook just plain scares me so I don’t know how it all works. But I like Anna’s friends-in-name-only approach.

  4. Pingback: Social Media - Making Worlds Collide « Alice’s World and What She Saw There

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