My husband chatted with my ex on Facebook IM (through me) last night. They are getting really chummy. They kept telling me to tell the other person something – for like a half hour. They were seriously passing notes to each other through me like we were in grade school. I told them to get a room.
Here’s the deal – he’s not even my ex. I mean, I don’t know what to call him. So I’ll just call him Michigan. We met at a summer school program in Cambridge, UK when I was 19. We had 2 out of the 3 classes together – he was from Michigan, I was from Utah. He was grungy, I was groomed. But we both loved Shakespeare and almost everything about each other. But there were two three major complications: 1) He had a girlfriend, 2) We lived in different states – and mind you, this was before online distance dating was “in.” and 3) the biggest one for me, I was LDS, he was not.
We had a tumultuous email relationship for the first 6 months after we left Cambridge. He finally dumped his gf and came to see me. But problemo #3 just couldn’t get resolved. So we tortured each other for the next 8 years. I visited him and he visited me occasionally but mostly it was a torrid love affair through word alone 🙂
I remember knowing that Michigan was my soul mate and that I would never find a replacement for him.
Turns out I was wrong.
I met my husband right after I decided to give up on Michigan and face the reality that it was never going to happen. The night of my first date with him was a night of pure clarity. I fell intensely and peacefully in like with him within the first 4 hours. And I decided I was going to marry him. He was everything I had ever wanted and more. I remember walking out of the drive-in movie theater with him and holding on to his elbow. I have not idea why I held onto his elbow – I guess it felt less intrusive than just grabbing his hand or arm. But I wanted to never stop touching him.
When I told Michigan I was with W. he was very supportive. We talked about him and I told him all about Wes. It dawned on me then that they have the same taste in music, one of the most important aspects of life to both of them.
One of the greatest part about my husband is that he’s not jealous. He didn’t mind that my friendship with Michigan continued after our marriage, albeit it was a much different friendship. It never crosses lines and always stays in a respectful place. And since I met my husband I learned to be respectful of Michigan’s relationship too.
But they’ve been getting chummier lately. They became Facebook “friends” and keep talking to each other about music. I think it’s so funny. And so bizarre at the same time. But that’s what social media does to you – it’s one big melting pot. All your high school friends and your college friends and your work friends and your exes and your family are all sitting in the same pot. It’s crazy – I mean seriously crazy. Facebook and Twitter are changing the way we think, who we keep in touch with, how we network, etc. It’s wild.
But I have to say that I am so overcome with joy that there was a happy ending to this story for everyone involved. I am living it.