This blogpost is inspired from a blogger who posted ideas for bloggers to blog about. I love reading this list. It reminds me of the blog posts I love most, which always provide a glimpse into someone’s head, their past, or their soul.
The first time I got dumped was at a church dance. I was 15. We had been “going out” for a month and that was a long time for me, since he was my first boyfriend and 4 weeks was longer than 0 weeks.
I went in the bathroom and stared at my reflection, wondering if I should cry. I felt embarrassed and mad more than anything. And then I felt bad about what I had said about him. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t told the biggest-blabbermouth-friend-I-had-in-the-world that when we kissed his lips were so dry it felt like he’d soaked them in battery acid, maybe he’d still be my boyfriend.
And yes, those were my words. I’m not sure why I said it. He really did have dry lips, but I think I was going for bravado more than anything. He hadn’t called me for a few days and I knew it was slipping, so I acted like I didn’t like him. Maybe if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be standing alone in the bathroom feeling stupid.
The first (and only) time we kissed the setting was really sweet, now that I think about it. My neighbors were out of town and I was taking care of their dogs. I went across the street to add some puppy chow to their bowls and my first boyfriend came with me. I was so nervous when he held my hand, I felt like laughing out loud. It must have seemed so awkward to him. He was a year older and obviously much more experienced.
He asked me if he could kiss me and I fumbled for something cool to say, but came up with nothing. I remember not being able to look at him. I’d look at the field behind us, the railroad ties underneath us, and the trees to the left of us, but never right at him. Oh. My. Gosh. No wonder he dumped me.
Kissing him was not like kissing should be when you’re 15. It was not like one of those cute, 15 year old pecks I’d imagined. It was like kissing on a soap opera. It involved zero lips and lots of tongue, which was broken up by my mother calling me to come home. Not on the phone, mind you, but just calling my name out the door. That’s the way it worked back then. I felt so numb I think I floated to my house.
But back to the sterile church bathroom. I finally decided not to cry. Crying would just ruin my makeup. I’d go back out to the sparsely decorated dance on shiny, basketball flooring and find someone else to dance with. Unfortunately, the boy who had just dumped me was always within eyesight in that tiny church. He had taken to this new girl and never left her side the whole night. It was agony. I couldn’t believe that I had to watch him start going out with someone else 10 minutes after he dumped me.
I learned some valuable lessons after that first dumping that I used as a guide for the rest of my single life.
- Distance is Key: Stay far, far away from whoever you just broke up with. If you have a class with them, change it. If you live nearby, move. If you are at the same church dance, bail. You cannot get over someone if you see them regularly. It’s like pouring acid on a gaping wound.
- Have Good Friends: Good friends will not blab things you say about him to him. Duh. Good friends will not date him after you break up. EVER. Duh. And after the breakup good friends will understand the rules, which are A) don’t ever talk about him B) don’t ever talk to him for you and C) if you do break these rules, at least have good friends who will make fun of him with you.
- Purge and Move on: It’s impossible to get over someone if you still have their stuff. Sell it, trash it, or give it away. But get rid of it. And this rule isn’t limited to just their stuff, you can get rid of anything that reminds you of them, like clothes, pictures, gifts, letters, etc. Then you’re ready to consider moving on.
- Don’t Rebound: It’s not always a good idea to get out there and join the dance right away. Sometimes it’s good to hole up and figure out what went wrong. That way you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And it helps your Karma not to take out your pain on someone else, see #5
- What Goes Around Comes Around: As much damage as you do will be done to you. I had my fair share of dumping and being dumped, which I think is only right. It gives the world balance. But never forget that the choices you make will make an impact on the world. The world has a way of correcting things and if you want them to correct in a good way, be careful how you treat others. Hints: Do not key your ex-boyfriend’s car, or egg his house, or talk bad about him, etc. It will bite you back.
The boy who dumped me started dating the girl he was dancing with. They dated for a record 6 months and she dumped him like a sack of potatoes at the next church dance. He was so sad he sat on the floor and cried for an hour. It was awful. But it felt like Karma.