Having a Life / Making your life easier

The First Time I Got Dumped (and the Rules of Dealing with it)

This blogpost is inspired from a blogger who posted ideas for bloggers to blog about. I love reading this list. It reminds me of the blog posts I love most, which always provide a glimpse into someone’s head, their past, or their soul.

The first time I got dumped was at a church dance. I was 15. We had been “going out” for a month and that was a long time for me, since he was my first boyfriend and 4 weeks was longer than 0 weeks.

I went in the bathroom and stared at my reflection, wondering if I should cry. I felt embarrassed and mad more than anything. And then I felt bad about what I had said about him. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t told the biggest-blabbermouth-friend-I-had-in-the-world that when we kissed his lips were so dry it felt like he’d soaked them in battery acid, maybe he’d still be my boyfriend.

And yes, those were my words. I’m not sure why I said it. He really did have dry lips, but I think I was going for bravado more than anything. He hadn’t called me for a few days and I knew it was slipping, so I acted like I didn’t like him. Maybe if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be standing alone in the bathroom feeling stupid.

The first (and only) time we kissed the setting was really sweet, now that I think about it. My neighbors were out of town and I was taking care of their dogs. I went across the street to add some puppy chow to their bowls and my first boyfriend came with me. I was so nervous when he held my hand, I felt like laughing out loud. It must have seemed so awkward to him. He was a year older and obviously much more experienced.

He asked me if he could kiss me and I fumbled for something cool to say, but came up with nothing. I remember not being able to look at him.  I’d look at the field behind us, the railroad ties underneath us, and the trees to the left of us, but never right at him. Oh. My. Gosh. No wonder he dumped me.

Kissing him was not like kissing should be when you’re 15. It was not like one of those cute, 15 year old pecks I’d imagined. It was like kissing on a soap opera. It involved zero lips and lots of tongue, which was broken up by my mother calling me to come home. Not on the phone, mind you, but just calling my name out the door. That’s the way it worked back then.  I felt so numb I think I floated to my house.

But back to the sterile church bathroom. I finally decided not to cry. Crying would just ruin my makeup. I’d go back out to the sparsely decorated dance on shiny, basketball flooring and find someone else to dance with. Unfortunately, the boy who had just dumped me was always within eyesight in that tiny church. He had taken to this new girl and never left her side the whole night. It was agony. I couldn’t believe that I had to watch him start going out with someone else 10 minutes after he dumped me.

I learned some valuable lessons after that first dumping that I used as a guide for the rest of my single life.

  1. Distance is Key: Stay far, far away from whoever you just broke up with. If you have a class with them, change it. If you live nearby, move. If you are at the same church dance, bail. You cannot get over someone if you see them regularly. It’s like pouring acid on a gaping wound.
  2. Have Good Friends: Good friends will not blab things you say about him to him. Duh. Good friends will not date him after you break up. EVER. Duh. And after the breakup good friends will understand the rules, which are A) don’t ever talk about him B) don’t ever talk to him for you and C) if you do break these rules, at least have good friends who will make fun of him with you.
  3. Purge and Move on: It’s impossible to get over someone if you still have their stuff. Sell it, trash it, or give it away. But get rid of it. And this rule isn’t limited to just their stuff, you can get rid of anything that reminds you of them, like clothes, pictures, gifts, letters, etc. Then you’re ready to consider moving on.
  4. Don’t Rebound: It’s not always a good idea to get out there and join the dance right away. Sometimes it’s good to hole up and figure out what went wrong. That way you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And it helps your Karma not to take out your pain on someone else, see #5
  5. What Goes Around Comes Around: As much damage as you do will be done to you. I had my fair share of dumping and being dumped, which I think is only right. It gives the world balance. But never forget that the choices you make will make an impact on the world. The world has a way of correcting things and if you want them to correct in a good way, be careful how you treat others. Hints: Do not key your ex-boyfriend’s car, or egg his house, or talk bad about him, etc. It will bite you back.

The boy who dumped me started dating the girl he was dancing with. They dated for a record 6 months and she dumped him like a sack of potatoes at the next church dance. He was so sad he sat on the floor and cried for an hour. It was awful. But it felt like Karma.


6 thoughts on “The First Time I Got Dumped (and the Rules of Dealing with it)

  1. Ummm, sorry. About the second part of number two.
    Sometimes I think about high school and how hugely idiotic and ridiculous I was, and it’s a wonder I had any friends at all. So thank you for being my friend inspite of how self-centered I was. Maybe that’s just part of finding yourself and growing up – doing stupid things and realizing that the people that matter will love you anyway. So thank you! 🙂 And I know it was like a million years ago, but I really am sorry!

  2. LOL I whoops forgot about that one! I’m glad we got over it and became friends again. 🙂 Aren’t you glad we didn’t marry anyone we dated in HS? HOLY COW.

  3. Man, honey, it looks like girls are born complicated and get even more complicated. For us guys, there are only a couple rules to bouncing back after being dumped:

    1. Watch/play sports, play poker/video games, go to a movie with the guys. All of this is not only fun, but you’re, in effect, flaunting your new-found freedom.

    2. Hang out with some chicks! You don’t have to make-out with any of them or even be interested in them. The point here is to just flirt, show yourself you’ve still got it.

    3. Act like you never liked her and that the break-up hasn’t effected you at all. Even if deep down it’s not true, it’s how you’ll feel in a few months or a year, so why not get started right away? We have total control over how we choose to emote. You may be hurt, but for heaven’s sake, man, you don’t have to act hurt!

    I love men. Meaning, I love being a man.

    (I also think it’s funny that my wife was slightly afraid I wouldn’t like this post. She must have thought that I was under the impression she had “virgin lips” up until we started dating. Yeah, just like I didn’t have any girlfriends before we got married and have never had to employ the above advice. I need to start a man-blog.)

  4. Great post! I like number 6, “What Goes Around Comes Around.” The first time I got seriously dumped, I was in college. And that experience made me apologize to the guy I had dumped the year before. For so summarily dumping him and not understanding why he couldn’t just get with the program. Because I finally got it, ouch!

  5. This was great. It reminds me not to look down, as I get older, on young love as insignificant or incapable of leaving marks. Because no matter the age, it almost always does.

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