April is Autism Awareness Month. Interesting, since this April is the month we were informed that Holden has Autism Spectrum Disorder. Step one of dealing with a new diagnosis is to let your friends and family know. But it’s hard to talk about. We’re still trying to process it – what it means, what do to, where to turn, how to deal with it. And I don’t really know what to say to anybody else.
Turns out, so far, it’s often the case that I tell someone and they’re incredulous and they fight the diagnosis TO ME! I feel like I have to stand there and CONVINCE them that my son is retarded. And I don’t want to do that.
The reality is that we’re so used to him that we’ve normalized his behavior for years, too. So he prefers to play alone . . . a lot of kids do. So he can’t communicate . . . he’s only 3. So he doesn’t like hugs . . . we have personal space issues too. So he echoes what you say . . . maybe that’s normal. So he memorizes shows and uses them in conversations . . . So he throws tantrums all the time . . . So he lines up his toys in a perfect line . . .
You get the gist.
I’m passed the guilt (I think). I’m passed the blame. I am not bursting into tears every 2 hours anymore. I think that means we’re in the acceptance phase, which doesn’t mean it’s easy or anything. I’m just dealing with it by reading everything I can get my hands on. So stay tuned, this blog may turn into my new coping mechanism.